All of us have demons that are difficult to shake.
One of mine happens to be a fear of heights, no let’s make that a fear of driving over water on bridges.
So, here it was that I had committed to give a speech at the Ed Hoffman, Josh Lewis Passover retreat at the Hyatt resort in Cambridge.
I wasn’t worried about the speech.
Was looking forward to meeting new people and old friends.
And, I couldn’t wait to eat one of the caterer’s meals. After all, these were the same people who had done such an incredible job catering my daughter’s wedding.
There was one obstacle, however, the Bay Bridge.
Yes, I’ve drive the bridge before.  No, I don’t love it.
Almost always, I have my wife or my daughters in the car with me to cheer me on.
And I have these rituals.
1. I need to have a discussion of complete substance to delve into. For example, what are the next five projects we want to do around the house?
2. What’s the next big cover story to work on.
3. Where should we vacation this summer?
This can’t be taken lightly. Knowing the date of my trip over the bridge, I start planning my mind games weeks in advance. And yes, the easy solution would be to have my wife drive over the bridge. Then I co into this whole defeatist discussion in my mind.
And driving over the Bay Bridge in the past, I’ve had the windows open, the windows shut, the sun visors pushed to the side. There are times when I hit the brake on the road, and say “I can’t do this.” But what am I going to do, get out of the car and walk back.
You think I’m joking, but this is what happens.
So here it was Tuesday, and I was totally psyched through my personal mind games to drive over the Bay Bridge. This time, it would be solo.
My wife offered to call me and help talk me through the trip. I said no, I didn’t want to be on the phone and on the bridge.
Important for me, I need constants, no surprises.
On Tuesday, there was congestion at the tool booths, not a good sign. There was one lane on the west bound side going east bound., I didn’t plan for that, so I waded into the gridlock of the right lanes. But then I found myself in an EZ Pass only lane. I didn’t have an EZ Pass. Finally, I got through to the booth, and raced into the right lane.
Then came the demons. They go something like this: “Do you realize how small you and your are on this huge bridge? Do you realize how high in the air you are? What is separating you from the water below? You’re committed now boy, there’s no way to turn it around.
Yes, I do have these crazy thoughts. Yes, I do think about stopping on the side of the bridge and cowering on the car floor. Why didn’t I just wait for an escort to drive me over the bridge?
Then, the traffic picks up an I get over the top. Then like layers, the anxieties decrease, and I find myself on the road to the bottom and the Eastern Shore itself.
Typically, on a week’s summer vacation, I won’t start worrying about the trip back on the three-lane west bound bridge til mid-week.
After speaking at the Passover celebration at the Hyatt, I had an amazing dinner thanks to my friends Eddie and Josh. Then I headed back.
I started my psyche out. I’d think about upcoming JT cover stories on the bridge. Then the bridge psyched me out. The westbound bridge was closed for maintenance and repair. The east bound bridge was divided into a lane for east and a lane for west. Great, why didn’t anyone call?
So, I white knuckled it across the span, playing mind volleyball and somehow getting over to the other side.
When I got to 97 North, I started thinking about our annual family vacation in Rehoboth Beach.
I can’t wait. It’s my favorite trip of the year.
And now I’ve got two months to start preparing…
For the ride over the Bridge.
My ancestors in escaping the Egyptians had to cross the Red Sea and the desert, I just have to get across a bridge.
I’ll start collecting stuff to think about for the summer.
Hmm, I wonder if I can name the starting lineup for the Orioles.