There are so many great people in the Jewish community.
They can be found on a Thursday night loading dock in hot weather or cold weather packing boxes for the needy as part of Ahavas Yisroel.
They visit our loved ones in the hospital when they are sick as part of Bikur Cholim.
They volunteer hours of their time be it with Shomrim or Hatzalah.
Some of our neighbors just make us feel better with a simple smile or greeting.
There are others whose Shabbat tables, Purim seuda or Pessover seders are always filled with guests, who otherwise wouldn’t have a place to go.
Some help others recover from the trauma of abuse.
We can spend so much time on this, but you know where I’m going here.
These allegations against the rabbis in Deal, N.J. were mortifying, bringing up difficult questions and providing a battleground of differing opinions on various blogs.
So here we are a couple of days away from Tisha B’Av, and instead of working on ourselves and our own accountability, integrity and acts of Godliness, we seem to be focused only on the over-the-top nature of these allegations.
Even in leadership positions, need to hit the spiritual “reset” button.
Tisha B’Av gives us that opportunity.
But while we’re taking time to reflect, let’s also remember that there are so many millions of great acts of kindness done by all kinds of Jews in all types of settings.
Let’s give them some of our attention. They deserve it, and we don’t give it enough.

Sometimes one meets a person who is so strong and so focused, that she can have her faith bent but not broken. Bracha Goetz is one of these people. She has come face to face with what she describes as an “arrogant insensitivity” in direct connection to the issue of sexual molestation in the Orthodox community. We urge you to read her beautiful words. And we hope and pray that the insensitivity she describes can be overcome by segments of the community who find it difficult to look inward and to help repair what is spiritually broken.

By Bracha Goetz
This article first appeared in the Jewish Star of Long Island, N.Y. It is run with their permission.
We got on board because we were striving for truth, and guess what? We’re still striving! So please, make sure your seat belts stay fastened because we’re sitting beside you now, and we hope to take you right along with us!
It was the most idealistic and dedicated Jews who helped make us the people we have become. After deciding to be observant, however, we all inevitably realized that many frum people were not quite as purely committed as those who had initially inspired us. Varying degrees of disappointment and disillusionment are standard, but what happens after that is critical.
Witnessing “frum” people engage in corrupt behavior can be a deal-breaker for some, especially if the frum-appearing people wield authority in leadership positions. Unsavory business practices, the belittling of legitimate attempts at improvement, and “accepted” practices to cheat government agencies, can all lead to an earnest ba’al teshuva (returnee to observant Judaism) being understandably turned off.
There are prevailing fears related to “change” in Orthodox spheres, for justifiable reasons, but these same fears also prevent essential progress from taking place.
It can be difficult for the voice of a quiet ba’al teshuva with a well-honed refinement to be heard when an arrogant insensitivity prevails. When children in public school seem to have more derech eretz (respect) than those in many day schools, a need for reevaluation is indicated. Worries about reporting “frum” perpetrators who are dangerous to children are another example of how our fears have led to unnecessarily increased problems with disastrous consequences.
Following a shocking experience like being intimidated after making sincere abuse allegations, there may be no viable way to keep the victims or the parents of the victims from leaving the frum community. But the resilience of the neshama (soul) is truly miraculous, and even some of these extraordinarily determined survivors have managed to stick with their frum communities, to work toward significant change.
Baalei teshuva are often especially discerning. After all, we have taken the best from our backgrounds, then sought to incorporate that into the best way of life we’ve ever found. So we are discerning about what’s wrong with the standard frum lifestyle as well, and see no useful reason to ignore significant problems, whitewash, or cover them up.
Baalei teshuva often are used to politeness and friendliness from our previous incarnations. Exemplary friendliness, like greeting newcomers to shul, seems unfortunately to take a back seat in many frum communities. After moving beyond the warm welcome of initial kiruv experiences, a ba’al teshuva may often be stunned by a lack of welcoming encounters thereafter. He may soon end up becoming acclimated to this less-than-sunny style or, hopefully, he may admirably try to upgrade the status quo with an infusion of his own warm ways, if they don’t become overly stifled.
There are many examples of how baalei teshuva, in a steadfast resolve for truth, have already affected frum communities. The demand for upgraded special ed services, more professional therapeutic standards, and even healthier eating patterns have been indefatigably and successfully advocated for by baalei teshuva previously schooled in ways that could substantially benefit the frum lifestyle. “Why acquiesce to children getting junk food and sodas as prizes in school?” baalei teshuva may, not surprisingly, ask. It is not at all easy to ruffle feathers and confront authorities that have become entrenched in some outmoded and harmful habits, but baalei teshuva are often now leading the way, thank G-d.
I guess it all comes down to this: there are some inappropriate behaviors in our frum communities that baalei teshuva may not tolerate as complacently as others, and we are more willing than most to take the initiative to work on constructive change. Whether it’s lax attitudes about yeshiva students smoking, a lack of outrage about perpetrators of abuse, or even just a general lack of ready smiles, we are the ones, more and more, gaining the confidence (and knowledge from the complex “Pilot’s Manual”) to get up there on our soapboxes, and work to clean up some acts.
The vast majority of us are sticking around, and when we come face to face with problems that need work, we don’t have to pretend all is fine and dandy, just as we couldn’t pretend that in our past lifestyles either. We’re sticking around because we’re family now, and when members of our family need help, we feel more committed to them than ever. We are here because we want to help make this extraordinarily worthwhile way of life even healthier, even happier and even more responsible.
We want to thank you for every single difficult effort you have ever made to preserve what’s most meaningful. Thanks to all you did, we were able to transform our lives and regain our heritage. We hope you can see that providing refreshing outlooks, generating renewed enthusiasm, and promoting increased accountability are some of the ways we have to give back to you. This striving for truth is certainly challenging, but that’s just what we have always been deeply yearning for — and we’ve never stopped. So keep those seat belts fastened — tightly. We want to keep soaring, G-d willing. May we have a long and exhilarating journey together.
Bracha Goetz is the Harvard-educated author of ten children’s books, including Aliza in MitzvahLand, What Do You See at Home? and The Invisible Book. To enjoy Bracha’s presentations, you’re welcome to email bgoetzster [at] gmail.com.

Something good is coming out of our community’s collective concern over molestation.
In a Moses Montefiore Anshe Emunah Hebrew Congregation conference room, Rabbi Elan Adler, Elaine Whitman of the Shofar Coalition and a respected group of rabbis, clinicians and molestation survivors worked together to begin planning a community gathering with its focus: healing from trauma.
The co-sponsors are Shofar Coalition, CHANA and the Board of Rabbis.
Although the irony wasn’t lost on us that we were planning this in the same shul which had to go through the grueling process of suspending its association with Rabbi Jacob Max, its founding rabbi and rabbi emeritus, it should be made clear that this gathering is for all survivors of trauma and abuse not only for those with allegations against Rabbi Max.
The event is scheduled for 7 p.m., Sunday, September 13, at the Park Heights JCC.
The event’s timing prior to Rosh Hashanah, a time when we are asking for forgiveness from HaShem and from each other couldn’t be more perfect. Perhaps asking for forgiveness is a step that perpetrators of sexual molestation, including convicted ones, should try.
Often times I think a community can show its merit by leaders who aren’t afraid to step forward, face difficult issues, and help their community move forward.
Rabbi Adler, members of the Board of Rabbis, the survivors and clinicians at this meeting, were all showing that leadership. That Rabbi Adler offered his synagogue for this meeting was a strong statement that he and his shul are serious about an active, decisive role in helping those impacted by any sort of abuse anywhere in this community.
These actions alone in planning this gathering are already moving us forward towards a level of healing.
It feels so much better to be heading in this direction.

When I read colleague Alan Feiler’s news report on the fire at Suburban House (jewishtimes.com), my heart sank.
The generation before mine had the Hilltop Diner and all of its legends. For my family and my friends, it was Suburban House. Like so many of you, I spent ate many dinners there and it was part of my family’s affordable list of places we loved to go.
My late father, who was in the retail business, used to work late on Thursday nights. My mother and I would routinely head to Suburban House. She’d get their legendary matzah ball soup. I’d get a hot dog and fries.
My bar mitzvah reception was even held there. It fell on October 8, 1966, the third game of the Orioles World Series game against the L.A. Dodgers. An S&H employee make sure I had a transistor radio so I could listen to Wally Bunker throw a six-hit shutout and hear Paul Blair’s home run, the only run scored in the 1-0 O’s win.
When I think of Suburban House, sitting in the reception hall with my friends, my proud parents, Rabbi Gus Buchdahl of Temple Emanuel and all everyone else, it was a great day.
I carry that memory and others, such as taking my then girlfriend now wife, Lisa, on several dinner dates there while we were college students. It was the place many of us BBYOers went after a mixer or a movie. Hot roast beef sandwiches with gravy and large Coke, French fries and gravy, all this seems to be in my memory bank.
When I drive by Suburban House now and in immediate past years, I always felt a smile come over me.
Now I hope with all my heart and soul that Suburban House, which is truly part of the Pikesville Jewish landscape, will recover, renovate and reopen. I wish for its owners and employees strength as they go through the stages of this recovery.
Suburban House, though, was and is an important part of the lives of so many who are proud to call Jewish Baltimore there home.
Here’s to many more of those years for Suburban House.

Shalom USA, one of the nation’s finest Jewish radio programs, is holding a event to mark its 10th successful year on the air.
The show is aired live 8:30-10 a.m. Sundays on 1370 WVIE AM.
The 10th anniversary event will take place Sunday, July 12, beginning at 5:30 p.m. at the Moses Montefiore Anshe Emunah Hebrew Congregation. The cost is $54 per person.
Shalom USA will honor keynote speaker IDF General Yaakov Amidror, and Mike Lowenstein, who was worked to help former Gush Katif residents find employment.
Tickets can be purchased in advance by calling 410-764-7443 or emailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Tickets are also available at the door.
When Shalom USA founders Jay Bernstein and Larry Cohen started the show, they didn’t come on the air with any experience to speak of in the radio field. Over the years, though, the two have really put their heart, soul and time into the show. They just don’t “wing” it. Jay Bernstein, I feel, can interview anybody. And that’s because he cares. He cares to do background work, he prepares for interviews. There are no wasted questions. And after 10 years of doing this, I wish I could listen to Jay during the week as well as Sunday, because I know I’m going to come away with something learned. I think Jay is one of the best on-air interviewers I’ve ever heard.
Larry quite simply makes the show happen. If you’ve never seen what it’s like to work literally minute-to-minute in a radio booth, it’s like a conductor stepping up to an orchestra podium. Larry runs the show, making sure that there is a pace, a cadence, and it’s done all according to a tight schedule. At the same time, Larry also loves to give Jay a tweak or two when especially when it comes to politics.
When the two started the station, they were known for their passion in the area of day school education funding. That passion remains, but the issues they cover have diversified 100 fold. Jay has interviewed countless numbers of subjects over the years and the two have taken difficult stands on issues critical to Jewish Baltimore.
And it’s not an Orthodox only show. If anything, Jay and Larry have worked to include all Jews under their canopy.
So here’s to 10 more years guys.
And keep talking.