It hasn’t gone away.

So many times, I walk into a public Jewish place such as the JCC or a shop and I am asked by someone when the next story on molestation within the Jewish community is due to come out?

What’s disturbing about this is that many times it is said with almost a wink.
You get criticized for not churning them out quickly enough, or you get criticized for writing too many of them.

Yes, there are tragically other stories in progress. But time is important with almost all of these incidents. The reality is that when the stories are ready to be published, then they will be published. They won’t happen just because there is a public pressure to produce some sort of “gotcha” story.

They will be done, however, when the information is worked through accordingly.

In this area, though, I did hear something so troubling that I want to ask your contributions about. I have heard that a convicted sexual molester within our community, who received a suspended sentence and is on probation, was seen handing out lollypops to children in his place of employment.

If this is true, it must stop. Now. I believe that according to the man’s plea bargain, he had to stay away from anyone under the age of 18.

I don’t want him handing out candy to anyone.
You don’t want him handing out candy to anyone.
And I truly believe for the good of his own recovery, he shouldn’t want to even go near a child at this point.

When my oldest daughter was a middle schooler in a Suburban Detroit school, I went to go pick her up one afternoon to bring her home. There, in the carpool lane, the school’s principal came over to my car and told me that a particular teacher wanted to have a private word with me regarding my daughter.
I remember the principal saying, “don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.”
Still, if you are a parent and you are reading this, you know exactly how I was feeling at the time.
When my daughter bounded into the car, right after “Hi Dad, I’m hungry,” I asked her why this certain teacher would want to see me privately. My child said she had no idea. I responded with, “well, think hard, because I’d rather hear it coming from you than from the teacher, whatever it is.”
Now, this was a teacher who my daughter had reported to me regularly said the word “shvartze” in his classroom to describe black people. In our house, that word was taught as racist and never to be used.
It was something I meant to talk about to this teacher, so maybe after he finished with me, I could talk to him about that word.
So the day finally came. We were to meet at 8 p.m. in his living room. My daughter, meanwhile, and her class’s “Battle of the Books” team had just won a reading tournament against other schools at the nearby public library. When I informed the teacher of this, he had no idea of what I was talking about.
What happened next was awful.
He told me that it was his philosophy that 12-year-old girls all reach a fork in the road. One way would lead to a life of religion and doing the right thing, the other way would be, in his words, “too worldly.”
He said that it was his goal to keep the girls “in a tunnel,” to make them always “giggly girls.”
Giggly girls?
A tunnel?
He told me that my older daughter had said a “disgusting” word in class. It was for lack of a better description, a four-letter word beginning with the letter “s.” He never heard her say the word, but another girl did, and reported my oldest for that.
I felt my blood pressure rise, my muscles tense and my lip quiver.
I heard myself say to this teacher, “my daughter tells me that you use an ‘s’ word yourself in class.”
He looked at me with a defiant puzzlement as in “how dare you challenge anything I say.”
I responded by asking him if he said “shvartze” in class to describe black people.
He didn’t deny it, saying he meant no harm, it was just a Yiddish way of describing blacks.
My response was that I didn’t buy that. The word “shvartze” might as well be the “n” word, and in my house because it is used to describe one’s fellow man, it has a more dire consequence than the four-letter “s” word.
I then told him that I’ll work on my daughter’s “s” word, but that he better work on his “s” word.
We departed. It wasn’t ever as friendly with him again.
I write this story, because it taught me that there’s more to be an educator than standing in front of a classroom and teaching a lesson plan.
Another example.
A child I know was publicly accused of stealing a pencil by the teacher of her class. The teacher went so far as to frisk this little girl, but found nothing. Later that day, the pencil turned up. Where, it was in the teacher’s pocket the entire time. The girls’ parents spoke to the teacher that evening, because their child was heartbroken and embarrassed. The teacher apologized on the phone. But the parents went a step further, insisting that the teacher apologize to their child in front of the very students who were present when she falsely accused the little girl. To her credit, the teacher did exactly that. The lessons for all concerned were priceless. It was just too bad the teacher didn’t think of this herself.
Educators are teachers when they sit in their offices, when they go to the store, when they speak on the phone, when they worship in synagogue, when they deal with children, adults, teen-agers, Jews, gentiles, blacks or whites. Holding a piece of chalk in front of the classroom doesn’t make one a complete educator.
An educator should always remember that their actions will be remembered in a child’s life well through their adulthood. My wife remembers one horrible elementary school teacher, who soured her entire third grade experience. We had a fifth grade teacher at my younger daughter’s school who was an awful role model for the children. Believe me, her former students remember her.
But these examples have to reflect all the way to the top, to the administrators of schools, to the people who sit behind the front desk to the maintenance people and yes, even to a school’s volunteer leadership.
How do we want our schools looked at by the community?
How do we our schools remembered by alumnae?
As a board member, how do we represent our school? Are we righteous? Do we take our position seriously? Do we even know what is really going on in the classrooms?
Fair treatment, striving to be a good person by example. An open mind, an open heart, a good listener, a fair person, and a realization that every child, every family is different and should be validated.
The children will one day be our educators, our educational administrators, our educational institutional board members.
Give them something to remember that is positive. Give them examples of how a good person acts, how they stick to the lessons of the greatest lesson plan of them all, the Torah.
Our children are watching you. Our children are listening.
They know what you have or haven’t done and how you’ve comported yourself.
Teach them well.

I’m in my 50s, and if you were to ask people my age to name some top memories of bar or bat mitzvahs of our youth, I can almost guarantee they’d say at least:
1. We gave each other $5 gift certificates to Hecht Co. so often, we might as well have held on to them and just traded them.
2. The luncheons were held usually at places like Bluecrest or Schleider’s.
3. The typical hors d’oeuvres were the cocktail franks in a “blanket.”
4. The “man” of 13-year-old boys was the one who came back to the kids table with a lemon yellow, cherry garnished whiskey sour in hand.
So, what’s changed over the years? Because 13-year-old kids are still trying to talk their way into an alcoholic beverage at these affairs.
Unless, I’m mistaken, and maybe I am, it felt like it ended there.
I never remember my friends raiding their father’s stash of bourbon or gin.
Even through high school and college, of course there was drinking, but I never felt like it was toxicology level drinking.
At a simcha over the weekend, a person at our table talked about how kids don’t seem to be drinking just to be cool, but they’re drinking as if they are trying with all their heart and soul to kill themselves.
There was a party a couple of years ago at a home in the Jewish community where kids became so sick that 911 was called to transport a couple of them to the hospital.
This is just another part of this ongoing discussion. Why on earth are kids in so much pain that they are transcending the levels of even kids being kids.
What do I mean by that? Come on, we all have our stories. My dad caught me smoking one of his cigars in the backyard one night. His punishment? He made me smoke the entire stogie. I threw up my guts, and that was my last cigar since age 11.
My wife wanted to know what the deal was with the TV detective always pouring the brown liquid from the crystal decanter over the glass and ice cubes. Her dad took out the Scotch and poured it over ice. Lisa drank, and that ended her Scotch career. She was 12.
Was masking the pain less back then? I don’t know. But I just don’t remember anyone trying to reach the death level.
Now, it seems like it is more common behavior. It’s not good enough for a college student to drink, he’s got to play beer pong or measure a successful night by how much it took to make him pass out.
I’m sure I’m going to be scolded that nothing has really changed over the years.
But I think it has.
For one, the vocabulary is totally different. Terms like “fruit salad, (a bowl at a party where everyone empties the viles of drugs from their parents’ medicine cabinets)” to “roofies, (the date rape drug)” seems to have added an extra element to the party jargon. And the weed? As experts will tell you, it’s not the same marijuana smoked back in the 60s and 70s, it’s much stronger, much more addicting. Add crystal meth, add ecstacy, and wash it down with liquor. Heroin, I’m told has become the new marijuana of this generation.
And what else is different. We have close friends who have spent tens of thousands of dollars for short and long-term recovery programs for their children. We know people who have pretty much mortgaged every penny out of their homes to save their children. And we also know contemporaries whose children have been found dead from over doses.
So why?
Recently the media has discussed the issue of reducing the drinking age from 21 to 18.
Okay, that’s a good discussion.
But I had a 16-year-old boy tell me this week that even in the aftermath of the death of one of his friends, he’d still rather not be sober than be sober.
Imagine that, and he told me this in front of his friends, he’d rather not be sober than be sober.
So, it’s not about 18 vs. 21.
It’s about living and dying.
My friends and I never wanted to die. And we really wanted to be awake more than asleep.
That’s the problem we’re all facing. We seem to be more asleep than awake when it comes to these teens who are hollering for help.
While we’re hopeful that the social workers are getting into the ways of helping these kids, I still feel education is important.
How do we educate our children to withstand the most lethal drug of them all, peer pressure? Saying no in a party situation is overwhelming. You say no, your “friends” can rip you to shreds. And if you don’t have the strength to handle being called a “wuss” or whatever they throw at you, then your self image becomes tied into how much you drink or smoke.
But there’s another issue as well. Someone’s got to have the guts to point out the people who are supplying the liquor, who is buying for the kids. Someone’s got to point out the dealer in the neighborhood. This takes guts and swimming against the tide as well.
Who’s going to do it?
Your friends are buying beer for their kid? Is it going to be you?
I heard of an area family having a party in honor of one of its child’s sports teams’ championship. The “parents” allegedly supplied the party with kegs. But the parents were home, it was “okay.”
Okay?
It’s hardly okay.
Who’s going to notify the police? Who’s going to step forward and offer their kids a place to talk it out instead of drink it down?
Maybe it starts at home. In the living room or den or kitchen. No fanfare. No announcements.
Just talk, and then action.
Your kid can role his eyes when you say you “dig where he’s at.”
But it sure beats “digging where he’s at…..when “at” is the cemetery.

Chananya Backer, 16, is dead.
He was the passenger in a accident that occurred on Friday morning, August 8.
He was one of “those” kids. He was asked to leave the Talmudical Academy.
There were issues, rebellion, whatever.
Yet, he was loved and befriended by many other teens who also had some records of let’s just say nonconformity.
So I don’t know if one has anything to do with the other. But I was sitting in a car with a friend yesterday talking about his son’s upcoming bar mitzvah.
Somehow the conversation came up about the number of friends we jointly have who are having trouble finding a place for their children to attend school in the fall. Almost all of these kids are Orthodox kids, and almost all of them have been kicked out of yeshivas for one reason or another.
You know Chananya was kicked out of Talmudical Academy.
There was really no where else in the yeshiva world for him to go.
The Orthodox community is ideally designed for the round peg fitting easily into the round hole. But when the square peg comes forward, no matter how much we try to jam or squeeze the peg, it just won’t happen.
Of course it’s important to encourage study of Torah and words of our sages. There is no question there. But that doesn’t mean everyone is good at it.
Look, if my parents had sent me to a vocational school, I would have been out on the street in five minutes. I still own maybe two tools, but lots of duct tape.
But I’m going to use this space to call on friends, leaders such as Larry Ziffer, executive director of the Center for Jewish Education; Zipora Schorr, the educational director of Beth Tfiloh, Barbara Gradet, executive director of the Jewish Family Services; Larry Katz, the dean emeritus of the University of Baltimore Law School and others to call one another, meet one another in the spirit of no wrong answers, come up with a solution that would academically and socially validate the students who just can’t fit in otherwise.
Certainly, the Associated’s use of the word “visioning” can mean more than just financial strategic planning. There are great minds in this region who could really offer some ideas, before we have to get together for yet another eulogy.
But equally as important, someone has got to bring some of these kids together in a room and talk to them, interview them. Ask them what they want, how we can help them. While we’re at it, bring in former “off the derech” kids who are now adults, and find out what worked for them or what didn’t work for them.
This has got to be an organized effort. But as we’ve seen it’s a matter of life and death now.
And it just can’t be symbolic. When the Orthodox rabbis signed a piece of paper in April of 2007 condemning sexual molestation, most of them did nothing more after that.
In the meantime, those in the community who have “perfect children” and “no problems” need to get lessons in how to have their arrogance removed. The judgment that goes on in this community is pure and simple loshon hora, period. And is by no means a standard with which we want to teach anybody.
No wonder a child is disinterested. He sees mom and dad davening on one hand then gossiping on the other or putting someone down.
Maturity.
Time to grow up.
Time to treat this issue of disenfranchised kids, of kids who have no place to go as a serious issue. And the time to give it our attention are on the days when we’re not delivering eulogies.
Chananya was a beautiful boy with a smart sense of humor and a love of his friends and family.
Let’s do something to turn the memory of his life into an outreach of love, productivity and validation.
If a kid gets kicked out of a local school for whatever the reason, or if a kid just doesn’t fit in, it is up to this community to find a place here in Baltimore that will accept him with open arms.

So two weeks ago, my family took our first visit to the mystical city of Safed in Israel.
This is the town of the Ari, Rabbi Isaac Luria, Rabbi Yosef Caro, author of the Shluchan Aruch, Rabbi Shlomo Alkabetz, author of the Sabbath hymn, Lecha Dodi.
The power and feeling of the small city are transcends one’s soul.
And it all comes together when one visits the cemetery where the tombs of the ancient Kabbalists are traditionally painted in blue. There, people light candles and, pray and give charity. Some sit all day and pray by the graves.
Okay, so here’s where I digress. I apologize in advance if what I’m about to say is offensive.
But with the level of holiness at the cemetery in Safed, I was taken aback by the trash.
There is litter everywhere. Empty water bottles, old metal candle containers, papers, blue plastic grocery bags. Yes, the cemetery has been badly damaged by time and by earthquakes. But it’s been equally defiled by human laziness.
While we were there, a contingent numbering at least 500 yeshiva students prayed at the top of the cemetery’s hill. Then they walked down enmasse to the Ari’s grave. I wanted so badly to say to their leader, why don’t you have each student pick up one crushed paper cup and place it in a garbage bag.
They were praying so beautifully, so diligently, but I don’t think the Ari would have minded a bit if the place of his eternal rest was glorified not just by words, but by action. And how much does it take to pick up a piece of trash.
Interestingly next to the ancient cemetery is the military cemetery. These are the heroes who defended their country, and their places of rest were uncluttered, unlittered and dignified.
Yet these 500 students on this day weren’t over on the military side thanking them for their supreme sacrifices. But that’s a whole different story.
Yes Safed is everything you’ve heard about, mystical, spiritual and perhaps life changing. But its cemetery while uplifted by prayer, is defiled by simple negligence. The Ari, Yosef Caro deserve better.

Elliott Cahan, a former Baltimorean, had no shortage of feelings towards the Obama issue.
“Putting aside my Republican hat for a minute and looking at this from an Israeli perspective, I think that John McCain has clearly distinguished himself over his career as a very strong friend of Israel, not jut in words, but in actions. This region cannot afford another Jimmy Carter, who had no foreign policy background and basically learned on the job. That’s what we would get if Obama was elected. He clearly demonstrated his inexperience when he spoke at the AIPAC convention.
“Secondly,” he continued, “Obama’s association with Reverend Wright is very troubling and should not be overlooked. The oleh (immigrant) community that continues to maintain ties to the States probably has followed this story closer than most Israelis. I’m not sure that most Israelis understand the danger of people like Wright that have been connected to someone like Louis Farrakhan.
“Finally, at the end of the day, I believe that the key to U.S.-Israeli relations is dependent on the strength of who our own leaders are. The State of Israel is far removed from the days of the strong principled people like David Ben-Gurion, Golda Meir and Menachem Begin. The U.S. president will take the lead from our leaders. President Bush when he spoke to the Knesset sounded far more Israeli than Ehud Olmert. The day that dignity is restored to the Office of the Prime Minister the far better it will be for the people of Israel.”
Meir Tulkoff had this to say: “I personally vote always for the lesser of two evils in politics,” he said. “I believe Mr. McCain has far more experience and a record which demonstrates such. I am plain and simple uncomfortable with the lack of a record or real legislative accomplishment on Mr. Obama’s part.”
A young lady named Nicole had this to say:
“We hope Obama will be good for Israel, but he seems so slick, that we realize he will say what people want to hear. Who knows what he really thinks?”
On what makes a U.S. president good for Israel, she responded, “He should have a very good understanding of the complex issues in the Middle East so that he wouldn’t see the Palestinians only as victims and us as the aggresssors. He should understand how our history influences our present and our future. He would promote cooperation between the U.S. and Israel, and send his best negotiators to help us solve our problems. He would release Jonathan Pollard and work for the release of our prisoners. He should be very strict and insist that before talking to the Arabs and Palestinians that they abide by the Geneva convention for prisoners and allow visits from the UN or International Red Cross. Most of all, he should understand that a strong Israel is in the best interest of the U.S.

Jerusalem, July 29 –

Obama prayed at the Western Wall.
Obama’s private Western Wall note was taken and then returned.
Obama’s motorcade interrupted the already stressful traffic within Jersualem’s center city.
Plenty of people who live in Israel had plenty to say about the Democratic favorite.
At the Super Sol grocery store, an olive skinned security guard figured that the Orioles hat I was wearing must mean I was an American. He went ahead and named all 50 states for me, and then before he could name all of the Presidents, I asked him who he wants to be the next U.S. President.
He said, “Obama.”
When I asked him why, “because enough Bush.”
But Bush isn’t running, I answered, McCain is. He said, “Who’s McCain.”
And that is a nutshell observation one could make. In our Jersualem hotel TV the world news stations were pumping a continuous feed of the senator from Illinois. McCain was like no where to be found.
Yehudis Schamroth, a Ramat Beit Shemesh resident, formerly of Baltimore was asked would Obama be good for Israel.
“No absolutely not,” she answered. “Obama thinks that he can convince terrorists to behave. The average Israeli knows that is impossible.”
Rachel, a law student, who lives with her husband Haviv Rettig near Tel Aviv, said that the average Israeli absolutely knows who John McCain is.
“The American election is followed very closely here as it is intimately tied to a possible timetable for an Iran strike should that be necessary and possible. Israelis joke that Obama is from an Arab or Muslim heritage, but I don’t think that there is any serious or widespread fear that he is a Muslim agent.
“As for being good for Israel,” she continued, “I have no idea. Obama has read his Machiavelli in depth and he has made campaign strategies if not a political career by remaining conciliatory while never revealing his cards. We have no idea what he thinks about Jerusalem or the peace process or Iran. His statements, while polite are ambiguous at best.
“So, as an Israeli I would not vote for Obama, he is just too much of a wildcard. However, as an American, I would for Obama. I would vote for him because a vote for him holds a kind of magic. It makes you believe that maybe the American dream is still true, that a bright, hard working, politically savvy outsider can rise to be a presidential candidate. It also makes you hope that perhaps America is a bit more race blind than we suspected and that is something to be deeply proud of as an American. I believe a vote for Obama really is playing a tiny role in history.”
Leah Yaffa had this to say.
“At this point in our history, one candidate is no different than the other. Each presidential candidate uses their political agendas to accomplish goals that I don’t believe are really part of the American publics’ knowledge. When it comes to Israel, I believe that America has an economic interest in Israel, and has nothing to do with civil liberties. Sine Iraq was an absolute disaster, their next step is to establish their presence in Israel. Whether it will come in the guise as saving the Palestinians from their oppressors or rescuing Jews from the Arabs, the U.S. military presence is almost guaranteed in Israel.
So I don’t believe that Obama will be good for Israel. He has already stated that the Palestinians deserve their own state. The man has no backbone or character. He is an obvious liar that bends to public opinion when it comes to earning their favor. The democratic approach does not work with the Arabs. Their culture nor religion allows this approach to statehood. How the president believes he can impose his American beliefs on this nation is nothing more than chutzpah. Just look at Iraq as an example.
Gavriel Zeitlin, a recent oleh, said that a “good” American president should encourage Israel’s people and government to make its own decisions, not based on what the international community wants.
He also said that he doesn’t think that Israel needs the U.S. looking over its shoulder for everything it does.
“What right does Barak Obama or any U.S. delegate have to tell Israel that it can’t build communities,” he said. “A U.S. president’s first action towards Israel should be inaction. Israel has a thriving economy, a powerful military, and I think that a wise president would look to Israel as a place to learn, and not to dictate terms.
“Obama really scares me,” he continued. “He seems to really flipflop his opinions on certain things depending on who his audience is. He could turn out to be a good president or a horrible one. I just don’t know what his stance is.”
Finally, since she was hosting me for 10 days, I decided to ask my daughter, DeDe Jacobs Komisar her take on Obama.
“Obama, my first association is the word hope which probably means that his campaign has done a bangup job of subliminal messaging and everything. I don’t think I’m a good person to use, because I’m an American olah, a liberal, who has been hoping for Obama since his appearance at the 2004 convention. Not exactly your average Israeli on the street.”

This is the best Italian food in town. We have tried many others and nothing can top Fazzini’s. Everything is fresh, homemade and delicious.

The pizza here was undercooked and really doughy.
entrees on other tables looked good though.

we like fazzini italian kitchen because of good wait staff and consistently good italian food. everything there is homemade; pasta, sauce,bread,pizza dough,etc.  large portions and reasonable prices and no ambiance!