On My Mind

Outrage?

What does it take for something to be labeled anti-Semitic?
Why is it that the hanging of a noose legitimately arouses our societal anger about racism, but the knocking down of 140 B’nai Israel Cemetery grave stones doesn’t hint of a whimper of anti-Semitism by the same society?
Granted, plenty of idiotic youth have numbed us over the years with their spray paint cans and renditions of the swastika.
But numb we are.
The knocking down of these tombstones should have created an outrage. I guarantee you if it had been most any other minority group, the forefathers of the “committee of they” would be here on their podiums calling for sensitivity and money with the news cameras rolling and the talking heads blabbing.
Instead, we’re asked to accept yet another form of hatred towards Jews as another act of vandalism.
Another day, another swastika, another blight on our faith.
Hatred has become a yawn.
Where are the politicians? Where are the leaders, Jew and non-Jew?
Are their any leaders out there who will speak to this?
Doubtful.

No Sugar Coating

I was in the audience with several hundred people last Sunday to hear the mother-daughter authors of the book “comeback” speak
The event, sponsored by Jewish Addiction Services, a constituent agency of the Associated: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore, was held at Beth Tfiloh.
The book, itself, is an amazing account of the nightmare and then recovery of Mia Fontaine, a survivor of incest by her biological father, and a survivor of substance abuse and homelessness, because she was also a runaway.
Claire, the mother, and Mia delivered a well honed, nicely done duet of sorts, taking short excerpts from the book and combining them with observations of the hell they had lived through.
But I don’t know, I just felt there was something missing when it was all done.
I looked around the crowded room and saw people I know who have gone through their own living nightmares or are going through them as you read this. I saw parents of children who had overdosed and died because of drugs. I saw other parents who had messages on their faces that if they could be read out loud would say something like: “Anything, give me anything that will help my child.”
And finally, there were teens and young adults there, who at least from the outside appeared as if they weren’t connecting to the speakers. Perhaps they didn’t read the book, which did a great job of painting the horrible picture of Mia and Claire’s journey.
Yes, JAS had break-out groups after the speech, which was important and positive.
So I guess what I’m writing here is that the JAS worked hard at putting this program together. But after a while it took on the feeling of a rather long book signing event, the type you’d experience at a book store.
The Fontaines had done this before, and knew how to deliver their information. I just wish it had been descriptive at even higher, more personal level, especially for the sake of the teens in the room.
When Mia talked about detox, she spent little time on the subject. My advice, for what it’s worth, Mia: describe detox. Even at the risk of sickening the audience. Tell what was going with your mind and body.
What is it like to stick a needle filled with drugs into your body?
Describe what happened to you when were shooting up in a car with skinheads.
Again, so many of our kids don’t think this would ever happen to them.
Tell us about the wonderful Jewish home you grew up in, and how this didn’t fit that.
Explain to us how much it cost to attend the recovery places you attended. How does a family financially afford what it probably cost your parents?
Talk about your ability to have relationships.
Are you still in recovery?
What are five pointers a parent could use to reach their child before it’s too late?
If you’re a kid, how do you avoid succumbing to another powerful “drug” out there, peer pressure?
Again, this is only being suggested in the spirit of healing and helping for a Baltimore Jewish community seeking answers.
This was an opportunity.
The book is great and I hope it sells well.
But I don’t want any other people I know and love experiencing these sorts of subjects for similar books.
Don’t sugar coat it, don’t avoid the hard stuff.
We needed to hear that as well.
JAS, keep bringing in the speakers. Truth is, there were some unpublished “experts” sitting in the auditorium last Sunday.
Maybe they learned the hard way, and maybe, just maybe they could talk “tachles” (the raw truth) with us.

So, nu?

So, look I don’t mean to be negative here, but I just have a simple question.
Last spring, when we started writing stories about the issue of molestation in our community, there seemed to be two “official” rabbinic responses.
One came from the Orthodox rabbis, who signed a milestone of a letter sent to the frum community.
The other, from the Baltimore Board of Rabbis came in the form of a full page JT ad expressing concern over this topic.
We were all quick to offer our “yasher koachs” back then.
So my question is, what’s happened since then?
If it’s nothing, then that’s a shame.
Because I can tell you that my phone hasn’t stopped ringing from area survivors.
I do know that the Shofar coalition is getting ready to conduct rabbinic workshops for rabbis of all denominations. It’s my hope and prayer that every spiritual leader in this town take advantage of this unique opportunity.
But from what I can see, and from what I know, I can only hope and pray that will be the case.
Please rabbis, the stories are continuing in our community. They haven’t quieted down.
Please move us forward with strong leadership, validate the fears and needs of the survivors and be leaders, real leaders.
Validate your own letter to the community or advertisement addressed to the community.
We’re waiting for you.
We need you.

Two Mothers, Two Books

I had an experience that is almost beshert-like in its meaning, yet has nothing to do with two people meeting.
I’ve been on a reading tear lately. It was spurred by my daughter’s college English 101 reading list. I remember reading some of the books on her list back in college, because I had to. Now I wanted to read them because I just wanted to.
In the middle of the books, though, a friend handed me a book by the late Chaim Shapiro called “Go My Son.” It is a an amazing account of how the author, a Polish refugee, survived for years in the countryside of the Soviet Union, living on collectives, small villages, work trains. It was just amazing to me how this yeshiva student could survive what he had to survive. But he was sent to the Soviet Union by his mother, hence the title of the book, “Go My Son.” She was afraid he’d perish in the Holocaust in Poland. So she sent on his own into the terrible world of WWII.
But then in the middle of reading this book, I was in the position of reading another book called “comeback,” by Claire and Mia Fontaine. The authors will actually be in town Sunday, Nov. 18, from 2-4:30 p.m. at Beth Tfiloh Dahan Community High School to speak about their book and to answer questions and lead small group discussions.
In their co-authored book, the mother and daughter write about Mia’s grueling recovery. She was sent at first to the Czech Republic and then later ended up in Montana. But she was away from home for some two years, fighting her “demons” in a way just like Chaim Shapiro did.
These two courageous mothers literally saved their children’s lives by sending them away so that they could survive.
The agents of death in Chaim’s life was anti-Semitism, a cold, frugal world where a daily ration was pretty much a small loaf of bread.
In Mia’s case, it was the street of heroin and “speed-ball” drug abuse, rape and the awful uphill struggle of recovery.
Two mothers, two children, two books.
I recommend them both.