Have you ever gone out for a nice dinner, only to be seated next to a family whose children think your table makes a great base for a game of tag?  If so, were the parents of these children oblivious (or seemingly oblivious), or were they willing to set limits and instruct their children how to act properly?

My parents would have considered this an example of the need to teach a child manners.  Dr. Barbara Howard, an assistant professor of pediatrics at The Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and an expert on behavior and development, believes that yesterday’s manners are today’s social skills.  No matter what you call it, children need to be taught that the feelings of other people matter.

Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, maintains that it is the parents’ job to teach children that their feelings are not the only ones that matter, and that they need to respect other people.  Her approach is to teach children that their feelings belong to them alone and are private, while their behavior is public.  In other words, “I’m not telling you to like going out to dinner, but when you are in a restaurant you cannot play tag when you are finished eating.”

Making eye contact, speaking politely, listening to what others have to say, and learning to say “please” and “thank you” are more than manners; they are skills that help a child become a more successful adult who is able to navigate in social and work situations.  Let’s be honest: no one enjoys being around a child (or for that matter, an adult) who believes the world revolves only around him or her.  Helping your child learn these social graces is a gift that goes a long way.

Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, Maryland

Jewish Community Services offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family. To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and check out the Parenting Tip of the Week at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.