With the proliferation of texting, Facebook, and other forms of electronic communication, it seems that the definition of communication is changing.  How are these changes affecting how young people relate to one another? 

In a recent column, Garrison Keillor lamented the lack of good, old fashioned conversation.  He reported that the Pew Research Center found that 75% of 12- to 17-year-olds have cell phones and text, on average, 50 messages a day; many send 100 messages or more.  Are children and teens today missing out on learning the nuances of conversation, of engaging in small talk, making eye contact, and interpreting facial expressions?  Are these things still important?  Keillor thinks these are “some essential steps in gaining intimacy,” and our kids are skipping them.  He believes this lack of face to face contact amounts to “passing up a free education,” and that conversation “is fundamental to a sense of belonging in the world; basic confidence begins here.”

I agree.  Teens today are so much on the move that they don’t use phone land lines anymore.  Has communicating become like “speed dating,”—the faster the better?  How do conflicts and disagreements get discussed and resolved?  What is a reasonable time frame for the response to a text?  Do we know yet what impact such rapid communication and immediate gratification have on our ability to empathize and relate to each other?

We can expect the new forms of communication to affect our relationships at work, as well.  Do young people understand that it’s not appropriate to text in meetings at work?  You certainly can’t send business correspondence in texting shorthand.  So far, most people are not communicating with their colleagues and supervisors through texting, but will this eventually become acceptable?

Parents, are we modeling for our kids how to have thoughtful discussions and caring interactions?  I’m not so sure that we adults are any less guilty of keeping our noses in our Blackberry’s than younger people are. 

I remember when microwave ovens became popular and people were making every conceivable entrée in them.  I remember when mobile phones became affordable; they were the size of my laptop and a lot heavier, and everyone was amazed at how convenient they were.  Now most people I know use their microwaves for popcorn and a Healthy Choice dinner.  It seems like cell phones are being used more for finding a movie and checking something on the Internet than they are for talking.  Maybe we are reaching the peak in texting and it will moderate into something used less frequently.  Maybe I am being overly optimistic, but I think it would be worth having a long, thoughtful conversation about this with our families.

By Donna Kane, M.A., Community Liaison, Access Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

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