It’s 6:40 a.m. when the alarm goes off. Parents begin their busy and jam-packed day. Children go off to school, hopefully having had breakfast and taking all of their belongings (homework, books, lunch and sports equipment), while parents rush to get to work on time. Perhaps this morning parent and child have managed to exchange a few words. When afternoon arrives, many of our children are off to after-school programs, sports or Hebrew school.  Parents arrive at the end of the day to pick up their kids, and then the regimen of dinner, homework and bathing begins. Maybe, if the family is lucky, they have been able to engage in some down time before the children are in bed again.  And then it begins all over again the next day.

Does this scenario sound familiar? As I re-read this schedule, I feel my heart palpitating, my thoughts racing and my mind saying, “How will I fit it all in??!!”

What opportunities are there during a typical busy day for communication among family members? When and where can we find time to learn about each others’ experiences, feelings and thoughts?  This may sound silly, but it’s time for us to make sure that when we plan our schedules, we reserve time and opportunities for communication with the most important people in our lives – our families. 

Scheduling, however, is only the first step. Then we have to make that communication a meaningful exchange.

What exactly is “meaningful communication”?  We can usually tell when communication isn’t working well. How many times have you felt lectured to?  Have you ever rushed to tell a loved one something important when it really wasn’t the right time or place? How many times, after a frustrating day with our partner or our child, have we gone to bed feeling bad?

• Effective communication means being both a good listener and a speaker.
• Communicating about something important needs to happen when there is enough time, in a quiet setting and with the most appropriate parties.
• There is always a positive message, whether big or small, to give about someone.  Try to communicate something positive each day to the people you most care about.

Being around and available is the key to finding the optimum time and venue to communicate effectively.  Most people enjoy good food, thus making the dinner table a great place to convene, relax, slow down and enjoy each other’s company.  If week nights are too hectic, Shabbat dinner on Friday night is a great opportunity.  For one-on-one time with your child, some opportunities for communication are when driving to and from your child’s extra-curricular activities, taking a walk together, or planning a special outing.  To make these times enjoyable, be open to what your child is interested in talking about, and be a presence without making judgments or criticizing.  Sometimes what our children want is just someone to listen to them.  These special times together may even make that busy schedule fade into the background!

By Joan Grayson Cohen, LCSW-C, Senior Manager, Access Services, Jewish Community Services

Questions about parenting?  Send an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).  To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.