Congratulations! If you are reading this, your child is going to graduate from high school this spring and move on to college next year.  Take time to celebrate this accomplishment.

Your child has had quite a climb from elementary school, through middle school and now high school, and has reached this pinnacle through hard work and perseverance.  Along the way the trail has been filled with rocks, unpaved pathways, and perhaps treacherous terrain.  There have been difficulties and successes.  Your child has been able to use maps, a compass, guides, guidebooks and other resources to help navigate the “derech,” the way, to reach his or her goals.

After the college applications are submitted, the waiting begins.  This can be a very stressful time.  Everything your child has done is now being evaluated.  He or she may be feeling anxious or scared, and may be questioning:  Will I be accepted? Will I be chosen? What if I’m not?  What does that say about me? What will happen to me?

A major part of applying for anything (whether it’s a part in a play, a place on the team, admission to college, or a job) is that you are putting yourself out there and risking rejection.  Rejection hurts.  Some kids get the message that they are not good enough, or not wanted.  For some, rejection of their college application is the biggest disappointment of their life to date.  It can feel like falling off the mountain.

This is certainly a stressful time for your child but acknowledge to yourself that it is also stressful for you, the parent.  We all take risks when we “make a climb.”  As parents, we naturally want to protect our children from being hurt.  Teaching our children how to deal with uncertainty and rejection is part of helping them grow.  What can parents do to soften the landing?

You can help by keeping things in perspective.  Here are some things you can say to your child:

• You’ve worked hard and prepared yourself for this next journey.
• There is a college for every one; as the letters start to arrive, keep an open mind. 
• Although you may have your heart set on your first choice school, it doesn’t mean it’s the only school that would be a good fit.
• I know it hurts to be rejected, and you are disappointed.  It may feel like someone doesn’t want you.  Remember, that you are still a great person with so much to offer.  It’s just that competition for entrance to this college is huge. 
• You have experienced some disappointments before and gotten through them. Even though it really hurts, you’ll survive this, too.
• You’ve learned a lot along the way, and you have what it takes to meet new challenges. You are going to keep going and getting even stronger. 
• Wherever you land, I know you’ll have new experiences, make new friends, and learn a lot.
• If you really aren’t happy in the college you go to, you won’t have to feel you are “stuck” there.  We can look at the option of transferring to another school.
• Keep doing what you love and what interests you.  Right now it is especially important to be around friends who genuinely care about you and make you feel good about yourself.

The college application process and its outcomes are part of growing up.  The climb is our children’s to make.  But as parents, we can still be there for them, offering comfort and encouragement when the terrain gets rough.  While they will experience some pitfalls, there is also the reward of the beauty of the view.  Travel well and enjoy the climb. 

By Debra K. Waranch, LCSW-C, Therapy Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Questions about parenting?  Send an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).  To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.