I just recently came across another newspaper article about an adoption that went terribly wrong. These sensationalized stories about adoption gone awry occasionally occur, but there are many more examples of how adoptions go well.

So, are you considering adoption? Are you worried?…confused?…excited? Wondering, “Will I be a good parent? How will the adoption process go for me?”  Or perhaps someone in your family or a friend is involved in adopting a child. There are so many questions, and it’s important to get the facts straight.

First of all, you are not alone. Many children are adopted every day and they come from all over the world. All families go through a similar process of searching for answers to their questions and dealing with their concerns about adoption, whether domestic or international. The questions and feelings that surface during this process are universal and normal.

Adoption opens the door for those wishing to parent a child to create, nurture, and strengthen families.  Families who adopt hope that bringing a child into their home will be a wonderful, warm, and satisfying experience – and usually it is.

There are, however, several other facts about adoption that you should know:

• Genetics, including medical history and personality, plays a significant role in the development of a child. The amount of information you can obtain about an adopted child’s medical history depends on many different variables. For example, the adoption agency may simply not have much medical information about the biological mother, and maybe even less about the biological father. Remember that all children’s personalities are a combination of nature and nurture. We just cannot predict exactly what roles genetics, education and environment will play.

• There are always risks in adoption, just as there are risks in having biological children.  For example, a child may arrive with an undiagnosed medical condition, or an older child may have some emotional problems.  Most pediatricians today have experience caring for adopted children and can help parents manage these kinds of issues, as they do for children born to their biological parents.
   
• You cannot control all aspects of the process.  There are likely to be some bumps in the road. For example, the country from which you are adopting may change the rules or procedures while you are in the midst of the process, or the biological mother may decide to keep her child. That is one reason why it is important to work with a licensed, reputable adoption agency that will support you through the process and help you work out any unexpected issues.

• Often the adoption process takes longer than we would like.  Some prospective parents may find that certain aspects of the process, such as the home study, feel a little intrusive.  However, this required process is designed not only to protect the interests of the child you are adopting, but also to help your family understand and plan for how your life will change through becoming a parent.

• The adoption process does not end after you bring your child home. There are many issues to deal with throughout your child’s life. For example, when do you tell your child he was adopted? How much information should you give?  How can you help your child if she comes home from school and tells you that a classmate asked her why she looks different from her parents?  There are many resources today to help adoptive families deal with issues that arise at various times in the life cycle.  It is also important to find support in other adoptive families and with the adoption agency.

Here are some helpful suggestions if you are considering adoption or if you are in the process of adopting:
• Educate yourself; get accurate information.
• Talk to other adoptive families.
• Advocate for yourself. Ask questions!
• Work with a reputable adoption agency.
• Work with an agency professional who is experienced in the adoption process.
• Get support from your agency, both during the process and continuing after you adopt.
• Be clear on the financial cost of the entire process.

By getting all the facts about the adoption process, you can make an informed decision about bringing a child into your home.  And by making sure that you have access to knowledgeable support, you enhance the likelihood that adoption will be a very rewarding experience that brings many years of joy into your family.

By Joseph Honsberger, LCSW-C, Senior Manager, Therapy Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Jewish Community Services has developed a partnership with the Jewish Social Service Agency in Rockville, Maryland, to continue our commitment to help create and support Jewish families. For more information, call JCS, 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org

Questions about parenting?  Send an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).  To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.