FEATURED JOBS
Do you have a family member who is seriously ill, or does your child have a friend who is ill? As difficult as it can be for adults to deal with this, often it is just as hard for children. Deciding what to say to the person who is ill can be difficult, but our tendency to avoid that conversation may make the situation more uncomfortable. It may be better for adults to handle some situations differently from how a child would, but in the case of a sick friend or family member, the ways to show concern and offer support are pretty much the same.
Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, believes that the “greatest gift you can give your seriously ill friend is the gift of your presence.” If you live nearby, visiting throughout the course of an illness is the best way to let a friend or relative know you care and are there for him or her. It doesn’t need to be said; your actions will speak volumes.
Be a good listener if your friend wants to talk about her illness, but don’t feel as though she must discuss this with you. For both children and adults, it is important not to worry so much about how to respond, but just actively listen. Giving a hug or holding the person’s hand may be enough of a response.
It is important to know your own limitations and those of your child. If you feel that you or your child cannot handle the situation, try to think about things you can do to show your support without being physically present. You can also do this if the person who is ill is not able or prefers not to have visitors. Call rather than visit. Send cards, emails, and maybe even a letter. The worst thing you can do is avoid the person altogether because avoidance can cause people suffering with a serious illness to feel abandoned.
Your friend or family member may need you now more than ever. Do whatever you can to be a caring friend, and encourage and support your children in doing the same.
Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, Maryland
Jewish Community Services, an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore, offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family. To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org. Questions about parenting? Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), and check out the Parenting Tip of the Month at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.
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