The holiday season can be a stressful and bittersweet time for children with divorced or separated parents.  Children of divorce may experience absolute dread at the thought of the holidays, especially if Mom and Dad are constantly at odds.  Even with the most civil relationship, it is difficult for older children who are not living at home to decide how they want to spend the holidays.  For younger children, rushing from one “celebration” to the next in the name of “fairness” or to comply with a visitation agreement may not be fun or meaningful.

Children will have an easier time adjusting to visitation schedules and holiday schedules if their parents are respectful of one another and are working to adjust to their new roles as ex-spouses and co-parents.  I know this is easier said than done, but holidays are time limited.  To make these occasions meaningful for you and your child, TRY to cooperate and put your child first in this situation.

It’s hard for children to divide time between two families.  On the other hand, they get to have two celebrations and they may develop new and different traditions at each one.  This can be a lot of fun.  I’d like to suggest that Mom and Dad discuss and divide a gift list so there isn’t a competition around who is the more “fun”parent.  Competing for your child’s love and loyalty gives a confusing message to a child. 

The most meaningful gift you can give your child—regardless of the season—is the permission and understanding that it is okay to love both of you.

Happy Holidays!

By Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Jewish Community Services, an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore, offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family.  To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), and check out the Parenting Tip of the Month at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.