Do you have a family member who is seriously ill, or does your child have a friend who is ill?  As difficult as it can be for adults to deal with this, often it is just as hard for children.  Deciding what to say to the person who is ill can be difficult, but our tendency to avoid that conversation may make the situation more uncomfortable.  It may be better for adults to handle some situations differently from how a child would, but in the case of a sick friend or family member, the ways to show concern and offer support are pretty much the same.

Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, believes that the “greatest gift you can give your seriously ill friend is the gift of your presence.”  If you live nearby, visiting throughout the course of an illness is the best way to let a friend or relative know you care and are there for him or her.  It doesn’t need to be said; your actions will speak volumes. 

Be a good listener if your friend wants to talk about her illness, but don’t feel as though she must discuss this with you.  For both children and adults, it is important not to worry so much about how to respond, but just actively listen.  Giving a hug or holding the person’s hand may be enough of a response.

It is important to know your own limitations and those of your child.  If you feel that you or your child cannot handle the situation, try to think about things you can do to show your support without being physically present.  You can also do this if the person who is ill is not able or prefers not to have visitors.  Call rather than visit.  Send cards, emails, and maybe even a letter.  The worst thing you can do is avoid the person altogether because avoidance can cause people suffering with a serious illness to feel abandoned. 

Your friend or family member may need you now more than ever.  Do whatever you can to be a caring friend, and encourage and support your children in doing the same.

Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, Maryland

Jewish Community Services, an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore, offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family.  To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), and check out the Parenting Tip of the Month at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org. 

Teenagers’ use of cell phones, both for conversing and texting, continues to be a concern for parents, especially parents of teenage drivers.  The data about the dangers of phone use while driving is compelling. AAA and “Seventeen” magazine surveyed 17-year-old drivers and found that 61% of teens admitted to risky driving behaviors and 46% said they text while driving. William Van Tassel, Ph.D., manager of AAA Driver Training, reports that “Motor vehicle crashes are the number one killer of teens, claiming more than 6,000 15- to 20-year-olds each year.” 

Fortunately, now the Maryland General Assembly, as well as legislatures in other states, has recognized the dangers and passed a bill prohibiting texting while operating a motor vehicle.  The Delegate John Arnick Electronic Communications Traffic Safety Act went into effect on October 1.  Violators are guilty of a misdemeanor and subject to a fine up to $500. 

This new law is a good start, but it has a long way to go before it protects teenage drivers and others on the road.  Talking on a cell phone and reading text messages while driving are still permitted, and other states have found that laws banning cell phone use while driving have been difficult to enforce.

Common Sense Media, a non-profit agency that lobbies for safer media use, points out the necessity for parents, as well as all adults, to set an example of safe driving behavior.  This really needs no explanation or justification.  How many times have you driven by someone talking on a cell phone while driving?  I see drivers drifting into another lane, swerving or turning a corner with one hand.  How is it possible to give your full attention to safe driving when you are talking on the phone?  This behavior has become so prevalent that it is hard to impress upon teenagers just how dangerous it can be.  Recently Rabbi Moshe Hauer wrote an essay called “Wireless Teshuva” in the “Jewish Times,” challenging all of us – as difficult as it may be - to change our driving habits.  So moms and dads, aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas, please raise the bar, and put those phones down when you are driving.

There are some ways to block car phone use, but they have yet to be perfected. The National Safety Commission reports:

“For $10 a month, Dallas-based WQN Inc. sells software that disables a cell phone while its owner is driving. It employs GPS technology, which can deduce how fast someone is traveling. But it can’t tell if that person is driving, so it can lock a passenger’s phone. WQN, which offers cell phone and Internet security software under the name WebSafety, says about 50 customers signed up during its first month of service.

The Canada-based software company Aegis Mobility is releasing DriveAssistT, a similar Global Positioning System-based product this fall. The company’s vice president, David Teater, said that Aegis is in talks with big U.S. wireless phone carriers, who would support the software and charge families a fee in the vicinity of $10 to $20 a month. The DriveAssistT system disables a phone at driving speeds and will automatically send a message informing callers or texters that the person they are trying to reach is busy driving and unable to answer the phone. But the system will also disable the phone of a non-driving passenger.”

These new products may be an option for some parents.  For other parents, modeling safe driving, discussing the dangers, expressing concern and following through on consequences may be the best deterrents to prevent their teens from using cell phone while driving.

By Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Jewish Community Services, an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore, offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family.  To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), and check out the Parenting Tip of the Month at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.