To My Child,

I am letting you go to Senior Week, but that doesn’t mean I won’t worry.  I know you want me to start treating you like an adult by giving you some space and some trust.  But I also know that sometimes people your age think that nothing can ever happen to them; they don’t really think about some of the risks they are taking and how the consequences can haunt them forever.  I love you and don’t want to lose you.  I don’t want to be one of those parents who get the nightmare call in the middle of the night from the police, the hospital, or G-d forbid, the morgue.

So, here are my Senior Week Commandments.  Please read them, take them seriously, and come home to me safely.

1. Always have someone with you, even if it’s just a quick walk to the store.  You will probably meet new people, but do not get into cars or go off alone with people you don’t know.

2. Always keep your drink, of any kind, with you.  Don’t ever leave your drink unattended.  If you ever do, get a new one.  Don’t take the chance that while your back is turned, someone may slip something into your drink.

3. If someone you are with “passes out,” do not just leave the person to sleep it off.  Sometimes a black-out or stupor induced by alcohol or another drug can be life threatening.  You may be saving a life if you let someone else know what’s going on.

4. Do not for any reason, take someone else’s prescription medication or mix any medication with
alcohol.  Besides decreasing your ability to make healthy decisions, it could kill you.

5. Drinking alcohol under the age of 21 is illegal.  The police will suspend your license. And, the police will not be fooled by someone drinking beer out of a Pepsi cup. The fine for this offense is $500 plus a court date in the fall. Using a fake ID or altering a real ID can lead to 12 points on a driver’s license (almost enough to have your license revoked). 

6. Make sure your purse, money, iPod, camera or anything valuable is in a safe place in your room.  You can’t keep track of everybody who comes to your room, and not everyone, even people you know, can be trusted.  Also, if you let more than the registered number of people stay in your room, you could be evicted and possibly lose your security deposit.

7. Be safe when going from one place to another.  Don’t take chances crossing those crazy high traffic streets.  The bus is free.  Use it!  If you absolutely must ride in someone’s car, make sure you wear your seatbelt and ABSOLUTELY NEVER get into a car with someone who has been drinking.

8. ABSOLUTELY NEVER go swimming while under the influence of alcohol or any other drug.  Don’t swim alone and don’t swim at night.

9. It is even illegal to ride a bike when you’ve been drinking. You’ll be charged with the same offense (DWI, DUI) as if you were driving a car.

10. If you are 18, the police can charge you as an adult, which means that you will have a criminal record. The police do not call parents to come and get you.

11. People do stupid things when they are “in the moment,” like “hook up” with people they don’t really know or other things that put them at risk for getting hurt.  Think about the consequences of what you’re doing and the possibility that you will have to live with those kinds of regrets for the rest of your life.

12. Please remember to keep in touch with us regularly.  For us, “out of sight is definitely NOT out of mind.”  A brief phone call or text message reassures us that you are okay.

You may be rolling your eyes by now.  I just hope you understand that I want you to have fun, but as your parent, I am going to worry and I want to help you stay safe.  After all, that’s my job!

Love,
Your Parent (who loves you very much)

By Susan Kurlander, M.Ed., and Robin Sweeney, Health Educators, Prevention Education, and
Jacki Ashkin, LCSW-C, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD. 

Acknowledgment to the Ocean City Police Department for some material.

For more information about how to help your child avoid risky behaviors, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org/prevention.

Jewish Community Services offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family. To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and check out the Parenting Tip of the Week at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.

The tenth anniversary of the Columbine High School tragedy offers a stark reminder to re-examine the issue of bullying in our schools.  Colleen Lippens, a Health Educator with Jewish Community Services, presents prevention education programs for staff, faculty, students, and parents in local schools.  No school is immune from the impact of bullying.  Here are Colleen’s comments on the issue.

It’s all too easy to dismiss bullying as a rite of passage or “normal” kid behavior.  However, the statistics are hard to ignore.  The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center reports that almost 30% of youth in the United States admit either to having been a victim of a bully or to having engaged in bullying behavior.  Bullying can be physical, verbal, or relational (attempting to damage a child’s relationships with others by gossip, rumors, teasing and/or exclusion).  Many negative consequences can result from bullying, including poor concentration, high anxiety and low self-esteem.  The role of victim and its effects often follow the target into adulthood. 

Some schools have instituted anti-bullying campaigns and programs – but do they really work?  Many of the strategies revolve around the bullied child’s standing up for himself.  Why is so much emphasis placed on the victim?  While it is important for the bullied child to act before being a victim becomes a part of his personality, I’d like to look at another person in the bullying dynamic: the bystander. 

The Jewish commandment, “You shall not stand idly by and watch the blood of your neighbor being spilled,” applies to this issue.  Why do kids stand by and watch while their peers are bullied?  Some bystanders seem to enjoy watching bullying from a distance (not unlike reality television), while some don’t get involved for fear of becoming the next victim. 

As a parent, if you know that your child is a bystander witnessing bullying, you have an excellent teaching opportunity.  By encouraging and empowering your children to stand up and do what is right, you are teaching them important values.  What can kids do when they see someone being bullied? They can speak out against the bully!  They can show compassion for the target by making it known that he or she doesn’t deserve to be bullied.  They can include this classmate in their plans or activities.  They can simply walk over and stand with the victim, because in numbers there is safety.  They can encourage the victim to walk away, because a bully can’t bully someone if no one is there. 

Just because bullying has been around since schools were formed doesn’t mean that it’s a normal part of growing up.  If we have any chance of stopping this behavior, it’s going to have to be as a community, by standing up and saying “Enough!”

Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, Maryland

Jewish Community Services offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family. To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and check out the Parenting Tip of the Week at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.