Sleep has become a big business.  Mattress companies compete by promising the best night’s sleep.  Ads for herbal supplements and prescription drugs are promising a safe, restful sleep.  Psychologists are writing books on how to get our children to sleep, and sleep labs are full of people trying to understand why they cannot get a good night’s sleep.

How can something so necessary be so hard to do?  Eating is necessary and I never have a problem with that!  There are nights, however, when I absolutely cannot get to sleep.  It seems that many of our children are having the same problem.  What’s a parent to do?

Keep in mind that you cannot make a child go to sleep.  But you can create an atmosphere conducive to sleep.  Routine is comforting to young children, so a fixed bedtime and bedtime routine are helpful when children are young.  Reading with your children is a great way to help them relax and get to sleep, and it can instill a lifelong love of stories and books. 

Good sleep habits become harder to maintain once children enter middle school and high school.  According to Judith Owens, associate professor of pediatrics at Alpert Medical School of Brown University, “the literature strongly suggests that early to mid-adolescents need 9 to 9.25 hours of sleep a night.”  So, a set bedtime for your 8th grader is as important as it is for your 2nd grader.

The problem arises when there is a big project due, homework needs to be done, baseball practice runs late, and so on. And then there is puberty.  Dr. Owens says that circadian rhythms of sleep change during puberty, and a child’s sleep time and wake time can shift as much as two hours.  That is why many experts (and teenagers) suggest that the high school day should start later. 

In short, it seems as if life and technology conspire to rob all of us of sleep.  So what can we do to help our children get enough sleep?  For younger children it may be as simple as sticking to a consistent routine, dimming the lights, or listening to some soothing music.  Older children present more of a challenge.  It can’t hurt to limit caffeine and try spending some quiet time together at the end of the evening.  Turn off the TV and the computer, get to bed at a reasonable time and maybe, hopefully, get a good night’s sleep.

Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, Maryland

Jewish Community Services offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family. To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and check out the Parenting Tip of the Week at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.

How often do you ask your child a question and hear, “I don’t know” as the response? 

Many parents hear “I don’t know” (IDK) quite often.  Sometimes our questions are conversational, so we accept the IDK.  But there are other times when the answer is important and IDK is not acceptable.  Whether your child is four years old or twenty, there are times when it is reasonable to expect an answer.
What does IDK mean?  Does it mean: I don’t want to talk about it now, I don’t want to give you information, I felt uncomfortable asking my teacher the question, I forgot to ask, I asked and I forgot the answer?

Questions are central to the holiday of Passover, starting with the tradition of the youngest child asking the Four Questions.  The seder gives us an opportunity to teach our children to ask—to question and learn.  What a wonderful teaching tool!  Adults can learn from this approach as well.  Parents can encourage their children to ask questions, while also modeling for them how and when to ask a question.  For example, how many of us have asked a question in anger, or asked a question when our child knows we already know the answer?  How many of us start asking questions as soon as our child walks in the door from school? 

As families gather around the seder table, everyone – from the youngest to the oldest - can participate in asking questions and can engage in discussion.  All of us can learn from this dialogue. 

By Donna Kane, MA, consultant on parenting, child development and adolescent issues, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD, and JCS “Parent Talk” blogger at http://www.jewishtimes.com.

Jewish Community Services offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family. To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and check out the Parenting Tip of the Week at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.