Like most people, I heard about the alleged beating of Rihanna and all the gory details.  It was during this time that I learned that Chris Brown is 19 years old.  That got me thinking about teen dating abuse and how important it is to be aware of the warning signs of an abusive relationship.
Early signs of an abusive or controlling relationship are usually isolation and anxiety.  Girls in these relationships often withdraw from friends and avoid social situations.  Eventually a girl may withdraw from her family and spend time exclusively with her boyfriend.  Abusive boyfriends tend to impose social restrictions in an attempt to foster an emotional dependency, and this can make it hard for a girl to leave.  (By the way, I heard Rihanna and Chris had a reunion and might reconcile).
If you believe your child may be in a destructive relationship, trust your intuition and discuss your concerns and observations.  Your daughter may be in denial and think that things will change.  Sheryl Cates, CEO of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline, has reported that there is an 80%  risk or higher that another abusive incident could happen, once an incident like the one between Rihanna and Chris Brown occurs.
Talk to your children before they start dating.  Get to know the people they socialize with.  As with all parenting issues, large and small, keep the lines of communication open.

By Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Jewish Community Services offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family.  To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), and check out the Parenting Tip of the Week at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org. 

Have you ever gone out for a nice dinner, only to be seated next to a family whose children think your table makes a great base for a game of tag?  If so, were the parents of these children oblivious (or seemingly oblivious), or were they willing to set limits and instruct their children how to act properly?

My parents would have considered this an example of the need to teach a child manners.  Dr. Barbara Howard, an assistant professor of pediatrics at The Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and an expert on behavior and development, believes that yesterday’s manners are today’s social skills.  No matter what you call it, children need to be taught that the feelings of other people matter.

Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, maintains that it is the parents’ job to teach children that their feelings are not the only ones that matter, and that they need to respect other people.  Her approach is to teach children that their feelings belong to them alone and are private, while their behavior is public.  In other words, “I’m not telling you to like going out to dinner, but when you are in a restaurant you cannot play tag when you are finished eating.”

Making eye contact, speaking politely, listening to what others have to say, and learning to say “please” and “thank you” are more than manners; they are skills that help a child become a more successful adult who is able to navigate in social and work situations.  Let’s be honest: no one enjoys being around a child (or for that matter, an adult) who believes the world revolves only around him or her.  Helping your child learn these social graces is a gift that goes a long way.

Donna Kane, MA, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, Maryland

Jewish Community Services offers a wide range of supportive services and resources for you and your family. To learn more, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  Questions about parenting?  Send an e-mail to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and check out the Parenting Tip of the Week at http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.