Life Happens

By Joseph Honsberger, LCSW-C How is it that we sometimes feel unheard in our closest relationships? This is a common complaint of couples. Communication is extremely important to having a satisfying, intimate, long-term relationship. We often learn that it’s important to tell your partner how you feel or what you think, but we don’t hear … More » read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/17/12 at 10:00 AM

Get Connected

You have no idea how many times I’ve heard that if you’re not from Baltimore, it’s hard to find new friends, a companion and a niche. Does the fact that so many people have that experience make it true? Yes and no. As a transplant myself to this area, … More » read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/03/12 at 10:17 AM

Knowing When to Lend a Hand

Asking for help is something most of us don’t like to do — and something everyone has to do at some time. This is a dilemma particularly for people with disabilities and for the elderly. We seem to be more comfortable offering help to others, but it’s not always clear how … More » read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/20/11 at 09:51 AM

Embracing the Empty Nest

Raising children, as we know, can be much more than a full-time job. It is often a 24-7 commitment, requiring all of a parent’s physical and emotional strength, wisdom, patience and perseverance. For at least eighteen years for each child, and often longer, you have organized your life around this all-consuming job. You have raised, educated, guided, nursed, chauffeured, refereed, and provided discipline, all kinds of experiences, and financial and emotional resources. Then one day, if things go well, life happens, and… Read more read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/06/11 at 10:58 AM

Meeting Anger with Kindness

Often in our daily lives we come across people who are upset and angry. These encounters can leave us feeling dismayed or hurt, or feeling as if their anger transfers onto us. This recently happened to me, but I refused to let the person’s anger attach to me. I realized … a> read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 11/22/11 at 10:45 AM

Can Homelessness and Hunger Be Prevented?

Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week is November 14-20. By Steven Land I’ll never forget this image. I was riding the Light Rail on my way home from an Orioles game one night. As the train passed the old bus station, a line of cardboard boxes on the sidewalk came into view. Each box contained a … More » read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 11/08/11 at 09:52 AM

WHAT! ME WORRY???

It comes about so unexpectedly. You get a message through a phone call, or a statement arrives in the mail. Or, the morning when you really need to get to work for an important meeting, the engine light goes on in your car. It happens to all of us. We all … Read more… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 10/25/11 at 11:25 AM

People with Disabilities Enjoy Life!

I often find, while working with individuals with disabilities, that they do want to get involved, meet new people and try new things, but they are apprehensive about it. Although there is a deep down desire to explore the community and new opportunities, their worries… Read more… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 10/11/11 at 08:47 AM

Changing Habits

Why, oh why do we continue to have those nasty old habits? We all struggle to quit the bad habits in our lives, but we rarely seem to be successful. If it were easy to break a habit, people wouldn’t continue struggling with behaviors… Read more read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 09/27/11 at 09:50 AM

New Beginnings: Repairing Adult Sibling Relationships

One of the most quoted teachings in the Torah is: “You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge against the members of your people; you shall love your fellow as yourself.” (Leviticus 19:18). So if we are commanded not to take revenge or hold a…Read more… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 09/13/11 at 08:27 AM

How to help someone you love who is diagnosed with cancer

A diagnosis of cancer can be an overwhelming experience. Cancer patients tell us that, faced with that news for the first time, their world literally stops. They experience a myriad of feelings: anger, sadness, frustration, numbness, helplessness, fear, nothingness…. read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 08/30/11 at 09:26 AM

Art and Wellness

What makes us hum or sing to ourselves when alone, or doodle on paper when distracted or “between” goal directed tasks? The creative impulse is innate in all of us. Children take satisfaction and experience pleasure from making musical sounds and building with blocks long before they have verbal and cognitive skills to analyze or “explain” their creations. Read more… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 08/16/11 at 10:54 AM

Yoyo Budgeting

Budgeting often feels a lot like dieting. We know it’s good for us, and we often begin our day with the best of intentions, only to end up feeling that our attempts have ended in failure. Sometimes our lack of success is due to a lack of will-power, but more often, the … More » read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 08/03/11 at 09:14 AM

You’re Getting Sleepy…Myths and Realities about Hypnosis

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word “hypnosis”? Mind control? “Going under” as someone looks deep into your eyes and tells you you’re getting sleepy? Does it involve a person wielding some mysterious power to make another person cluck like a chicken or behave in other embarrassing ways? read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 07/19/11 at 08:15 AM

The Gifts of Stories

Once upon a time….. So begin the journeys of our imagination and our life. And who doesn’t like a good story? Whether it’s a great work of literature or the latest soap opera, stories grab our attention and connect us with others. They can be fun to tell and hear (after all, what is a joke?). Frequently, we are drawn to listening to and telling stories because they provide a way of traveling to other places and times. They can help us recall the good times in our lives, as well as help us come to terms with some painful experiences. Read more… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 07/05/11 at 10:56 AM

Are You Touched By Domestic Abuse?

While domestic violence often makes headlines, it is frequently a hidden problem. Abuse may be going on right in your own neighborhood — or even in your own home. People are getting hurt. Can we do anything to stop it? Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship … More » read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 06/21/11 at 10:18 AM

Don’t Let the Jerks Get You Down

We’re always talking about the really difficult people in the world—at work, the insurance company, government agencies, the grocery store, the pharmacy… THEY’RE EVERYWHERE. Read more... read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 06/07/11 at 09:26 AM

Selling Booze to Fight HIV?

When we read that Belvedere Vodka & Product (Red), with the help of Usher, were launching a special edition vodka bottle to “help eliminate HIV/AIDS,” we hoped it was a joke. read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 05/24/11 at 12:12 PM

Unplugging from Technology

Has it happened to you? You’re having a meaningful conversation with a family member, friend, or co-worker, when suddenly a beep or vibration turns their attention away to a screen: a text, a status update, a call, an e-mail. How does it feel? Read more… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 05/11/11 at 10:52 AM

Reaping the Rewards of Volunteering

We all know that helping others and giving back to the community are good reasons to volunteer. But what if you were to learn that by volunteering, you can also gain substantial personal, physical and emotional benefits? Numerous scientific studies of the effects of volunteering have reached the same conclusions: people of all ages who volunteered were overall happier, experienced less depression, and were in better physical health than their peers who did not engage in volunteer work. In addition, when polled, volunteers themselves recognized their own personal gains from volunteering. Benefits cited by volunteers include a sharpening of interpersonal and communication skills, developing a better overall understanding of people, and the ability to deal effectively and competently in difficult situations—skills that are very useful in everyday life. Volunteering is also a great way to get out, meet people,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/27/11 at 10:05 AM

Taking Care of Yourself During the Holidays

During the holidays it can often feel like your regular life has been put on pause as you scramble to get all of the preparations just so. While this resonates for all of the holidays, I find it to be especially true in the weeks before Passover arrives. With the countdown to get ready, we often have to take a break from our routine—regular workouts, time spent reading at night, or give up our weekly coffee date with girlfriends—many of the activities from which we usually derive energy and renewal. Instead, we seem to run on auto-pilot, “doing,” but not really feeling present. We still drive car pool, work at our jobs, and manage to run our households. But now, on top of our normal routines, we’re engaging in a major housecleaning, making multiple runs to the grocery store,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/12/11 at 10:51 AM

Humor: A Great Stress Buster

April fifteenth is almost here. The mere mention of this date is stress inducing. Is it a bad joke that April is designated National Humor Month? But think about it: humor is one of the most effective stress relievers. Many people find simply making it through the day challenging. When things aren’t going well with our family, or when we’re facing a deadline at work, we can feel stressed and even overwhelmed. Everyone deals with stress differently. Dr. Hinda Dubin, a Baltimore psychiatrist, recommends three A’s to combat stress: Alter, Accept or Avoid. We can alter our behavior that creates stress. We can accept and transcend stress. Above all, we can change the conditions which cause stress and avoid those triggers. How can a healthy dose of humor help control or diminish stress? Humor lifts spirits, making us,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/29/11 at 09:10 AM

Techno-Savvy Grandparents Keep in Touch

The nation marked the 65th birthday of the first Baby Boomers this year. The rate at which this age group has adapted to technology is understandably lagging behind the generations who have come after them. But the rate at which their children and grandchildren are using technology is climbing very fast. Today, millions of American families are separated by distances that are too wide to make day-to-day grandparenting possible. Just look around your neighborhood or workplace. How many of your friends, colleagues or neighbors live in families with three generations present? How many grandparents live near their children and grandchildren? The more that family trees branch off, as children head out of state to college, Boomers relocate for work, and grandparents move to warmer areas, the harder it is to stay in touch. Geographical distances strain the real life,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/15/11 at 09:00 AM

A Good Cry

Why is crying so often seen as a sign of weakness in our society? Think of the expression “cry baby,” a mocking label that playmates will paste on a kid who reacts naturally to being hurt. This attitude is instilled in us from childhood, and it’s reflected in the popular culture. Remember the Sixties hit song by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, “Big girls don’t cry”? And if big girls aren’t supposed to cry, how much more so big boys! Representative John Boehner, who became Speaker of the House in January, is unapologetic about his propensity for crying in public when he is moved. Speaking at the televised memorial session of Congress after the shootings in Tucson, Arizona, he tapped into the national shock and grief. Perhaps his tears also eroded a bit of the stereotype that crying… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/01/11 at 10:36 AM

Friends Are Good For Your Health

A few weeks before the New Year, I enjoyed an annual birthday outing with a girlfriend. We celebrate every year because we feel fortunate to have been each other’s confidant and cheerleader for more than fifty years. I asked if she remembered how we became friends and she said, “You, Judy and I were in the same bunk at Camp Milldale. We told our mothers we liked each other and they planned get-togethers for us.” Our moms were arranging “play dates” decades ago! We laughed and reminisced about our adolescence and adulthood. We’ve experienced every phase of life— dating, college, career decisions, weddings, divorces, employment, home purchases, births, illnesses, deaths, disappointments and victories. We know that sharing and caring have helped us navigate through calm and rough waters over the years. Recently, I received an e-mail from a high… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/15/11 at 11:05 AM

Loneliness Does Not Have to Disable Your Life

“Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone,” Paul Tillich said. Dag Hammarskjold defined loneliness as “a state of feeling cut off from and longing for others, due to lack of contact with people.” One thing is for sure: loneliness is an almost universal experience, and it can have a serious impact on our lives. Judaism emphasizes the importance of feeling connected to others. The need for human companionship goes all the way back to the Creation story: “The Lord said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone…’” and so He created Eve to be Adam’s mate (Genesis 2:18). Many people walking around today are suffering from loneliness, but it is not always easy to recognize them. How many single, young and middle aged men and women, who are successful in their… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/01/11 at 11:27 AM

Confessions of a Middle-aged Orphan

Losing one’s parents in middle age is a very common passage but one that has only recently gotten serious attention. Conventional wisdom has been that losing our last parent is a very profound experience as it forces us to confront our mortality in new ways. Those of us who are parents ourselves certainly hope and expect to predecease our children as the normal order of life. Our parents hoped and expected that to be the course of their lives, as well. So why should it be especially difficult for us to lose our parents when we have expected all our lives to experience these losses? And why does our own death seem to be closer when our last parent dies? Does it make a difference that, due to improvements in health care, most of us have had or will… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/18/11 at 11:15 AM

Are You as Old as You Feel?

If I asked you how old you are, how old would you tell me you are? What would your answer be based on? Most of us would answer with our chronological age. But many of us would add a different answer, as this woman did: “I’m 79, but I feel like I’m 37.” This second age is based on feeling, on how we feel “inside.” How old we feel has been called our “subjective age.” A recent study at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research yielded a striking finding: there is a 13-year gap between how older adults feel and how old they really are! Psychologist Jacqui Smith, co-author of the study, says, “When people reach age 25, and certainly by age 30, they start to feel younger…. The gap between our subjective and real ages only… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/04/11 at 12:56 PM

Pearls of Wisdom from Adult Children to Their Parents

I’ve been thinking about the common themes I hear from the grown children of my older adult clients. Here are some of the things they want to tell their parents, but for some reason they just haven’t found the right time to tell them, or perhaps they just can’t find the right words. • Worry works two ways. While parents will always worry about their children—no matter what their age, remember it works both ways. Children worry just as much about their aging parents. • Sometimes problems (whether they are yours or your child’s) are really just challenges. Yes, how you view your “problems” does make a difference. • Sometimes asking for help is not just an option; it is a necessity. • Children are always busy. That doesn’t mean that they won’t make time for you, but it… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/21/10 at 11:16 AM

If You Loved Me, You Would…

“Pick up after yourself,” “be on time,” “get rid of stuff,” “eat healthier,” “save more money”….. The list of complaints, which are often just differences, often causes conflict in couples’ relationships. Two people are never identical in their way of doing things and nobody comes in a perfect package. The trouble begins when these differences are taken as a personal assault and proof that our significant other just does not care. One woman who tended towards perfection in all areas would fume when her husband did not notice the laundry basket at the bottom of the stairs. “HOW DO YOU THINK THAT BASKET IS GOING TO GET UPSTAIRS?” she berated. If you asked this woman at a different time if her husband helped out when she asked him to, she would answer yes. She would also acknowledge that he… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/07/10 at 01:53 PM

Sometimes the Best Thing You Can Say Is “I’m sorry.”

My son was recently diagnosed with Hodgkins disease. While this is not the worst type of cancer to have, no parent wants to hear that his or her child is sick. Many people know someone who has been struck with Hodgkins, and has successfully beaten it. Believe me, we are grateful to hear the success stories. My husband is one such success story, and he continues to inspire us. But, what we don’t want is to be told, “This is nothing, he’ll be fine.” The rational part of my brain that absorbs knowledge of statistics is pretty calm about this. But the part of my brain that remembers holding my newborn son in the hospital is screaming. So when I tell someone that my son is now battling cancer, what I really want to hear is, “Oh, I am… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 11/23/10 at 10:10 AM

Give Me Some Credit: Rebuilding After a Financial Setback

If you’re like millions of Americans whose finances have taken a turn for the worse during the current recession, you may have fallen behind on your bills or you may even have had to declare bankruptcy. This can have a devastating effect on your credit score for years to come, and it can impact your ability to buy a house, a car, or even find a job. But in this bleak picture, there is good news. There are several steps you can take to rebuild your credit history and improve your credit score—and it may not be as difficult as you think. Here is what to do: • Order a copy of your credit report from all three credit bureaus. Before you can fix your credit, you have to know what derogatory information is on your credit report. By… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 11/09/10 at 10:19 AM

When Someone You Know Is Depressed

Has someone ever confided feelings of depression to you? This is not at all uncommon. But when those feelings persist and impact a person’s health and well-being, it may be necessary to seek help. As a concerned friend or family member, you may wonder how serious the depression is, and you may feel the need to encourage the person to seek treatment. But often that is not an easy thing to do. The National Alliance on Mental Health reports that depression affects more than 6.5 million adults. This illness can impact a person’s physical and emotional health, employment, family, and friendships. Depression can be tricky. Many of the symptoms can be misinterpreted or mistaken for other things. For example, have you ever had a friend who began to cancel on you repeatedly at the last minute? Have you worked… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 10/26/10 at 10:43 AM

Sunrise, Sunset: Reflections from the Mother of the Bride

I am currently in the throes of planning a wedding for my only child, a daughter. While it would be easy to focus all of my attention on the details of the wedding, I often find myself focusing on the changing relationship between my daughter and myself. No doubt, she will always be “my baby.” I’ve made that clear to her from the day she was born. But soon, she will also be someone’s wife. In the four years that she has been in a relationship with her future husband, the shift has been gradual. Once upon a time, I was the center of her universe: the first one she turned to with a problem, a need, or when she had to shed a tear. She confided in me and knew that I could be trusted to keep a… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 10/12/10 at 08:54 AM

Shiva is Over…Now What?

Shiva is over. Everyone has gone home. The house was filled with people, filled with life. Family, friends and acquaintances all came to perform the mitzvah of sharing this loss, while attempting to balance sadness, support for you, and this new reality that says “life goes on, no matter what.” Now the house is empty. The little chairs are gone, the mirrors uncovered. You look in the mirror and you don’t know who you are. You only know that the world as you knew it has shifted, and your life is changed, forever. A part of you is gone. The sun is shining and warm, flowers are blooming, the sky is blue—but not for you. Your world is darker, colder, colorless, and void of beauty. You feel alone. The road ahead looks dark, and you wonder if you will… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 09/28/10 at 10:11 AM

Am I just forgetting, or is it worse??

You have just gone upstairs to do something, but when you get there, you can’t remember what it was you were going to do. So you come back downstairs. As you get to the bottom of the steps, you remember what you meant to do. Relieved, you go back up, and do what you intended in the first place. But, “Oh, my,” you think, “Does that forgetting mean that I could be developing Alzheimer’s?” How many of us have said, “I’m afraid I’m losing it” when experiencing memory lapses like this? Almost all of us have occasional memory problems as we age. Many things can interfere with memory, including stress, or feeling preoccupied, distracted or overwhelmed. Chances are, there’s no cause for alarm. Nevertheless, in some cases, something may be going on that needs attention. In fact,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 09/14/10 at 08:26 AM

Snapshot from Israel: Seniors Count

Picture this: An elderly man is sitting on a bench on a street corner at dusk, a white napkin spread across his knees. On his lap is half of a large watermelon, which he is eating with a spoon and enjoying with obvious relish. Occasionally a passer-by gives him a friendly greeting. I saw this scene in the quiet Jerusalem neighborhood of Bak’a, where I lived for three weeks this summer. Side by side with the fruit and vegetable stands, cafes, little laundries, and homes, I counted three day centers and residences for seniors within a couple of square blocks of my apartment. In the afternoons and evenings, the seniors were sitting outdoors, chatting with each other and with visiting friends and family. A peek inside two of these places revealed homey furnishings, dining areas, and a little synagogue. … read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 08/31/10 at 08:10 AM

When a Friend is Ill

You’ve just received the kind of phone call we all dread. A close friend has been diagnosed with a serious illness. You’re shocked and shaken. Maybe you’re thinking, “It can’t be,” or “What’s going to happen now?” As upset as you feel, you are even more concerned for your friend. When someone we’re close to develops a serious illness, we may not know what to say, or we fear we will say the wrong thing. There is also a natural tendency to want to protect ourselves from the knowledge that “this could happen to me, too.” When a dear one is ill, we are all afraid. Brushes with mortality can be intimidating. These fears, however, rob a friend of our loving support at the time when it is most needed. When someone feels abandoned by health and good fortune,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 08/17/10 at 10:43 AM

Extending Empathy to Newcomers

We all loosely use the expression “put yourself into somebody else’s shoes” to express the importance of the quality of empathy. But what if you have a different shoe size? How do we actually accomplish this leap from where we stand to where someone else stands? We expect others to show empathy towards us, and we try to teach our children how to feel and show empathy. But it’s not always easy, especially when the people who most need and seek empathy speak with an accent or don’t speak English at all. What if they look different or wear strange clothing or stand too close to you? Some of these people are immigrants. Here at HIAS Services at JCS, we call them “New Americans.” At first glance, they are different, and even when we see them again – perhaps… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 08/03/10 at 12:03 PM

NAVIGATING LIFE’S DETOURS

There is no worse feeling than finding yourself driving on an unlit, unfamiliar road in the middle of nowhere, on a dark and miserable night. When we experience a crisis in our lives or make a decision with unforeseen consequences, we may feel as if we are wandering aimlessly on a back road, with no real direction or guidance. How do people find themselves on unmapped roads in life? Sometimes it’s a decision we’ve made, like a major purchase that ends up strapping our budget. Or it can be an unexpected life event, such as a catastrophic illness, loss of a job, or unplanned expenses like home repairs or a relative needing help. If we’ve taken a wrong turn, there is always a route to choose that can put us on the right path. But how do we find… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 07/20/10 at 10:13 AM

Mentor Me!

You probably don’t even have to close your eyes, to conjure up the image of someone who served as a wonderful role model at an important point in your life. Nearly everyone has had an encouraging mentor at some time, who has made a really positive impact. These special people usually come into our lives in the natural course of events (a family member, a teacher, a youth group leader), but sometimes a bit of orchestration is needed to make it happen. In my work with the Jewish Big Brother Big Sister Program, I get to check in regularly with wonderful volunteer mentors who have been matched with children and teens in our community Recently a Big Brother shared with me this conversation with his “Little,” which demonstrates the essence of a great mentoring relationship. “Last night, we… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 07/06/10 at 09:52 AM

Getting Out of the Financial Doldrums

Comments (5)

Whether we make minimum wage or a six-figure salary, we’ve all felt the effects of the economic recession. Unemployment rates have soared to record levels and retirement plans have taken major hits. Families who had been financially stable and who felt confident about their future suddenly find themselves unable to pay their mortgage. Even for many of us who are still employed, luxury purchases and vacations are a thing of the past. How did this happen? Could we have seen it coming? The experts are still debating these questions. But certainly on a personal level, no matter how carefully we had budgeted and planned, our sense of security has been shaken. The good news is that even in these precarious economic times, there are some ways you can protect yourself and your family. If you are struggling financially, taking… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 06/22/10 at 01:32 PM

HAVING “THE TALK”–WITH YOUR PARENTS!

Talk about awkward subjects! Let’s say you’re in the Baby Boomer generation. Are there conversations you’d like to have with your parents as they age, but just don’t know how to start? How do you bring up important topics like finances, health and medications, independent living, driving, end-of-life wishes, and relationships? Seniors, do you wish you could raise some of these matters with your adult children, and are there others you’d rather not discuss with them? If you’re finding it difficult to open a conversation about sensitive subjects, you’re not alone. Most of us are uncomfortable and struggle with this, and there are so many barriers to communication. We may fear losing our independence. We want to protect our own privacy or to respect another’s privacy. Sometimes there’s a reluctance or inability to acknowledge the changes that aging brings,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 06/08/10 at 09:01 AM

In Search of The 25th Hour

There just aren’t enough hours in the day. How often do we find ourselves mumbling that under our breath? But still, no matter how you slice it, we only get 24 hours each day. That’s 1,440 minutes. 86,400 seconds. Here is the plain truth about “Time Management.” There is no such thing. You can’t manage time. We can’t take five minutes and coax them into six. Time is fixed and, as the famous saying goes, it waits for no one. We really have to face the fact that it isn’t time we need to manage; it’s what we pack into the 1,440 minutes we count on being granted every day. If we were going on a trip and could only fit so much into our suitcase, we’d think carefully about what’s most important to pack and what we can… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 05/25/10 at 08:21 AM

Risk a Conversation on Risky Drinking

Have you ever found yourself feeling concerned that someone you care about is drinking too much? Within the Jewish community there is a long-standing assumption that Jews don’t develop drinking problems. If you find that erroneous belief challenged in your own life, how will you respond? Are you prepared to help a friend or loved one who you think may have a drinking problem? Start by educating yourself. How common is problem-drinking? Is there a difference between healthy drinking, risky drinking and alcoholism? When should we be concerned? One family in every four in the USA is affected by alcohol related problems, and three out of every ten adults engage in risky use of alcohol. Some adults are at greater risk because of possible genetic and familial pre-disposition; addictions run in families. If you’re not sure whether the pattern… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 05/11/10 at 08:46 AM

The Most Jewish of Health Care Specialties

The field of hospice and palliative care is the most Jewish of all health care disciplines. I don’t mean that in any religious sense, of course. But having been raised Jewish, it strikes me that hospice and palliative care emphasize characteristics of care that reflect deep cultural values for Jews. A core tenet of palliative medicine is to see a patient with his or her family as the focus of care. Family is central to Jewish life. A Jew’s identity is inextricable from the life of his or her family. Unfortunately, much of the health care system takes patients’ families for granted, or acts as though families are merely conduits for communicating with, transporting, or caring for a patient. For hospice and palliative care, however, each family member matters – each person’s well-being is intrinsically important. In our practices… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/27/10 at 08:22 AM

What’s in Your Sandwich?

Whether the bread is white, rye, or whole wheat, a sandwich isn’t a sandwich without the filling between the slices. If you’re in the appropriately named “Sandwich Generation,” that means you’re an adult who’s carrying multiple caregiving responsibilities – most often trying to balance your children’s needs with those of your parents. Today’s sandwich is frequently a double-decker because we’re living longer. Adults in their fifties and sixties are helping their thirty-something “kids” raise their children—while at the same time caring for their own parents, now in their eighties and older, who are often in declining health. What a challenge it can be to juggle these multiple roles and maintain good family communication! Add to the mix the increased financial pressures generated by the recession. Many “baby boomers” (the 78 million American adults between the ages of 46 and… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/13/10 at 10:14 AM

Passover and Personal Liberation

The first signs of the yellow budding of forsythia are a childhood association I have with the coming of Passover. At times all the work involved in getting ready for the holiday – the changing of dishes, the thorough cleaning, the shopping and cooking – seemed like slavery to me. But when we finally sat down at the Seder table, with the fancy place settings and Passover symbols, looking around at all the relatives dressed up and ready to begin, I sensed a profound change in the air. I still have that sense now as a grown-up. While Passover is about the liberation of our Israelite ancestors from slavery and our Exodus from Egypt, today I take it to mean something to each of us on a personal level as well. This holiday provides us with an opportunity to… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/29/10 at 09:40 AM

The Empty Place at the Seder Table

Passover is meant to be a time of joy, but when someone you love has recently died, the thought of gathering around the Seder table can fill you with dread. Why does a loss seem so much harder during this holiday? Holidays are meant to be special occasions that we share with the people we love. Of all the Jewish holidays, Passover is the time when families are most likely to come together, and home is at the heart of our observance. No wonder we become painfully aware that an important person in our lives isn’t there to share the joy this year. We’re wondering whether the Passover traditions that we’ve been observing for years will feel different, and what will that do to our sense of identity and continuity? And how will our personal loss affect our shared… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/16/10 at 10:25 AM

Sticks and Stones…

Does Rahm Emanuel deserve to lose his job because he used “The R word”? Public outrage erupted, including a call from Sarah Palin for President Obama to fire Emanuel, after the Wall Street Journal reported that the White House Chief of Staff used the words “f——retarded.” He was referring to a plan by liberal special interest groups to run ads targeting conservative Democrats not supporting health care reform. The remark was made in a closed-door meeting, but after it was publicized, Emanuel apologized to Special Olympics chairman and CEO Tim Shriver, who has spearheaded a campaign to end the use of “the R word.” Regardless of the context of the insult, the words were heard and felt by people with disabilities, and by their families, friends and supporters. This incident can serve as a wake-up call about just how… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 03/02/10 at 10:09 AM

How Much Bad News Can We Take?

The images of death and devastation continuing to stream from the earthquake-ravaged areas around Port-Au-Prince in Haiti are so disturbing that a normal response would be to turn away, switch the channel, and avoid dealing with it. However, as Rabbi Dr. Tsvi Hersh Weinreb has pointed out, our rabbis tell us to “see, feel, and act,” to “watch scenes of the catastrophe… and feel the pain of those who suffer” (Jewish Times, January 22). Add to this the images of death and destruction from Iraq and Afghanistan seen on the nightly news, and we wonder: how can we avoid becoming overwhelmed by all the sadness, without losing our compassion? Let’s first acknowledge that watching others suffer and feeling their pain may result in emotional upset. We can learn to recognize the signs of burn-out, such as feelings of anxiety,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/16/10 at 11:00 AM

THE DOCTOR SAYS MOM CAN GO HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. NOW WHAT?

Many of us these days are fortunate to have parents who are living actively and independently into their eighties and nineties. But an illness, a sudden fall, or an operation can quickly throw the family equilibrium out of balance, posing challenges and causing stress. Here’s a familiar scenario. Your elderly mother is recovering from surgery, and the hospital has just informed you that she is being discharged in a few days. So soon? How is Mom going to manage back at home? Anxiety kicks in and your mind is whirling. No need to panic—you don’t have to handle this by yourself. This is the time to request a family conference with the hospital social worker, who will help you develop a discharge plan. There are many practical considerations, as well as emotional issues, to deal with before and during… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/02/10 at 09:26 AM

What a Difference an Hour Can Make

A year ago, at his inauguration, Barack Obama urged Americans to get more involved in community service. Since then, many organizations, including Jewish Community Services and Jewish Volunteer Connection here in Baltimore, have seen an increase in inquiries about volunteering. As we observe Martin Luther King’s birthday, it’s uplifting to observe that in the current challenging economic climate, people are coming forward and coming together to help others. Joining the ranks of new volunteers are recent retirees, as well as people who have been laid off, many of whom are still searching for new jobs. Both groups find they can still draw on their experience and skills to make positive contributions.* Whether you’re currently seeking work or not, the question is: how do you keep on feeling vital and valuable? Everyone needs a reason to get up and moving… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/18/10 at 02:28 PM

New Year’s Resolutions: Resolve to stop making them!

How many times have you resolved to lose weight, eat better, drink less, stop smoking, work out, or call your family? You’re not alone. According to http://www.usa.gov, the most popular resolutions are: to lose weight, manage debt, save money, get a better job, get fit, eat right, get a better education, drink less alcohol, quit smoking, reduce stress, take a trip and volunteer. It’s not hard to make list upon list of all the problems we need to solve. Resolutions tend to focus on what we are doing wrong; they are broad and long term. The danger of making these lists around the New Year is that they are often forgotten or broken within a week – or a month if you’re lucky. Have you ever resolved to go on a diet, only to eat a second helping of… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/05/10 at 12:49 PM

Looking in the Mirror

You’ve lost your job. Are you going to tell your mother? You’ve achieved success in your chosen career, rising to a position that gave you a comfortable income and a sense of worth. Suddenly you don’t have enough money to pay your daughter’s next tuition bill. You don’t even have enough to buy a winter coat for your son or go out to dinner with your spouse. After investing years of education, work, and perhaps even leadership in your field, now, when you look in the mirror, you’re asking, “Who am I?” These days, we all know someone who’s been laid off. Maybe you are that someone. But what we may not fully grasp is how dramatically losing a job affects how we view ourselves, and how we think others see us. To what extent is our identity tied… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/22/09 at 01:28 PM

Is AIDS still a problem?

It’s not in the news as much anymore. But the fact that about 10,000 people die every day because of AIDS might be reason enough to hear about it daily. And there is still no cure and no vaccine. Some more startling news: • Since 1981 the AIDS pandemic has been responsible for at least 25 million deaths worldwide, making it one of the most destructive diseases in recorded history. • Approximately one half of new infections are in young people under the age of 25. • More than 1 million Americans are living with HIV/AIDS, and at least one fourth of them do not know they are infected. • Every nine and a half minutes, a person in the United States becomes infected with HIV. Why are people still becoming infected, in spite of these staggering statistics, as… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/08/09 at 12:01 PM

The Changing Face of Hunger

How do you convey the reality of hunger to a child? I recently talked with a mother who was helping her eight-year-old son go through his toys and donate those he has outgrown to less fortunate children. This mom was concerned that, while her son is willing to part with some of his possessions, he doesn’t “get” the concept that some children don’t live in nice homes, don’t have toys to play with, and don’t have enough to eat. The truth is that for many adults, hunger is also an abstraction. Yes, we may fast on Yom Kippur or go on diets, but we know that food is available when we want it. “Food insecurity,” or not knowing where your next meal is coming from, is quite a different thing, says Heather Wolfson of MAZON: A Jewish Response to… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 11/24/09 at 01:51 PM

November Blues

Is November a hard time of year for you, as it is for me? With the changeover to Daylight Savings Time, it’s already getting dark when most of us leave work. There’s no time for walking outdoors to unwind before dinner, and the long, cold evenings loom. Even mornings are more of a rush when you have to scrape frost off the car windows. The brilliant fall colors are almost gone, rainy days are more dreary, and nature is settling in for winter. Is this why I feel more tired and have less energy, and why it seems harder to keep my spirits up at this time of year? Some folks welcome these shorter days, curling up at home to watch movies or read novels while sipping hot cocoa, and going to bed earlier. But I’m more in tune… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 11/10/09 at 02:03 PM

Hi-Tech vs. Hi-Touch

Isn’t the idea of technology meant to make our lives easier and less complicated? Is it just me or does it seem like the more techno-advanced we become, the more stressful life gets? Don’t get me wrong. I’m plugged in, too. If I leave home without my cell phone, I admit to feeling a bit panicky (though, thus far I have resisted the lure of the Blackberry). And a day without logging on to the computer is like…well, you know the cliché. But sometimes, when I stop and look around, it seems that all these opportunities to be connected are actually leaving us more dis-connected. I can still remember when going away on vacation meant escaping from everyday life. You’d say good-bye to friends and family and tell them you’ll check in when you get back, and look forward… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 10/27/09 at 02:43 PM

Bullying: Not Just for Children

What happens to us after we die? I recently saw a film that explores this question. In “Defending Your Life,” Albert Brooks portrays a way station after death where individuals must stand trial and be accountable for their failings on earth before they can progress to a better place. According to this film, the most serious human shortcoming is the failure to conquer your fears – a point which is illustrated through flashbacks to the central character’s life. One scene shows him as a boy who is unable to stand up to a bully on the playground – a painful scene he is forced to relive during his trial. We can ask: why is the victim punished here, instead of the perpetrator? Children who have been bullied suffer not only from physical bruises, but also from damage to their… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 10/13/09 at 11:49 AM

“Simplicity”: Getting Back to Essentials on Sukkot

Is there a silver lining in the cloud of recession that has been hanging over us this year? I think possibly there is one, and it can be connected to this High Holiday season. After the solemnity of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, this week marks the beginning of Sukkot (my favorite Jewish holiday), also known as “Z’man simchatenu,” “the time of our rejoicing.” I love the opportunities Sukkot brings to build something and beautify it with our own hands, to be more aware of nature and savor its bounty, and to welcome guests - including our ancestors, through the custom of “ushpizin.” (Maybe this year we will even welcome back an occasional bee.) As the succah stands open to visitors, the meaning of this holiday is accessible to all. Two messages of Sukkot are especially relevant today. First,… read more

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 09/29/09 at 12:37 PM

Healing Family Relationships