Whether the bread is white, rye, or whole wheat, a sandwich isn’t a sandwich without the filling between the slices.  If you’re in the appropriately named “Sandwich Generation,” that means you’re an adult who’s carrying multiple caregiving responsibilities – most often trying to balance your children’s needs with those of your parents. 

Today’s sandwich is frequently a double-decker because we’re living longer.  Adults in their fifties and sixties are helping their thirty-something “kids” raise their children—while at the same time caring for their own parents, now in their eighties and older, who are often in declining health.  What a challenge it can be to juggle these multiple roles and maintain good family communication!

Add to the mix the increased financial pressures generated by the recession.  Many “baby boomers” (the 78 million American adults between the ages of 46 and 64) have lost the financial security they were counting on.  Because of job loss, many families now must make do with one income or none.  Single parents may have even bigger struggles. 

Some families who have the resources are subsidizing help or housing for their aging parents who can no longer live independently, while others are providing hours of hands-on care for their older loved ones.  Children of boomers are saddled with loans for their education; many college graduates are moving back home because they can’t find jobs.  These additional financial pressures and caregiving responsibilities are causing significant changes in families.

If you are feeling like an overstuffed sandwich, with everyone depending on you, here are some helpful tips:
• Educate yourself.  Read and learn from programs and workshops on parenting and caregiving issues.
• Initiate a family conversation about sharing responsibilities and resources. 
• Be open to asking for and accepting help from others.
• Plan ahead.  JCS offers the Eldercare Family Consultation, an opportunity for family members to speak with a professional gerontologist and gather information, resources, and options, and to plan ahead and make decisions before a crisis occurs. 
• Open an honest family discussion with older parents and adult children about sensitive but vital topics, such as financial resources, health issues, options when independent living is no longer safe or possible, and end-of-life wishes. 
• Prioritize and simplify.  Practice saying “no, thanks” to non-essential requests.
• Seek support from other caregivers.
• Build regular quality time for yourself into your schedule.  Exercise, read a book, go out to dinner or to a movie with your spouse or a friend. 

We all want to enjoy a good quality of life for as long as possible, and to enjoy our relationships with all generations in our family.  With communication and planning, we can make sure that all the layers come together to make a good sandwich.

By Janet Kurland, LCSW-C, Senior Care Specialist, and Gail Lipsitz, Coordinator, Public Relations, Jewish Community Services

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.