“Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone,” Paul Tillich said.
Dag Hammarskjold defined loneliness as “a state of feeling cut off from and longing for others, due to lack of contact with people.”  One thing is for sure: loneliness is an almost universal experience, and it can have a serious impact on our lives.

Judaism emphasizes the importance of feeling connected to others.  The need for human companionship goes all the way back to the Creation story: “The Lord said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone…’” and so He created Eve to be Adam’s mate (Genesis 2:18). 

Many people walking around today are suffering from loneliness, but it is not always easy to recognize them.  How many single, young and middle aged men and women, who are successful in their jobs, good-looking and smart, come home after work and do not have anyone to call, to go to a movie or eat dinner with, have a cup of coffee, or go on vacation?  Or what about all those people, ages 18 to 80 and more, who live far from family, or who have no family, and whose loneliness is especially intense during the holidays?  Some of them try to escape their loneliness by virtual socializing on the internet, without actual interaction with other people.  The thoughts, “What is wrong with me?” or “Why me?” are eating them up.

There are many reasons for loneliness.  It can result from being different, or just being shy.  Many caregivers of relatives with long-term illness or disability experience loneliness, as do some people who have moved to a new place.  Loss can cause loneliness, whether it is after separation, divorce, death of a spouse or other loved one, or other life circumstances or changes.  Whatever the cause, loneliness, if it’s not addressed, can lead to depression. 

What can we do to reach out to the people we know and those we love who are suffering from feelings of loneliness and isolation?  How to get rid of the feeling of being rejected by the outside world?  How to make connections to the outside world and to belong to it again?

Here are some suggestions for a kind of “survival kit” that we can offer to someone in this situation:
• On holidays go to places where there are a lot of people, and stay among them.
• Step out of your “shell.”  Start by initiating any small talk at work, with neighbors, relatives (even if you have not spoken to them for ages, just try!) Even a telephone call from a seller can be used as a rehearsal.
• Get involved in activities or hobbies that you enjoy and that take you out into the community.
• Stay optimistic.  Your chance of meeting a good friend or partner is ahead.  Keep your eyes wide open not to miss opportunities to meet new people.
• Find someone who needs any help (at work or other places ) and try to help to the extent you want or can; being a Good Samaritan is always very satisfying
• Find out where volunteers are needed and give some time in a way you enjoy.  Not only will you feel useful and appreciated, but you are also likely to make some new friends.  Volunteering on holidays (such as serving meals in a soup kitchen) can also help you get through these days when loneliness may be more intense.

Here are some Don’ts:
• Don’t “sit on the bench” waiting for changes.
• Don’t stop your attempts to connect with others.
• Don’t let your feelings of loneliness and isolation develop into depression.

Almost everyone goes through periods of feeling lonely at some times in life.  However, if you feel overwhelmed or unable to function normally, this is the time to seek help by talking to a friend, relative, clergyman, or professional counselor. 

By Galina Borodkina, Support Services Coordinator, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

We invite you to post a comment in response to this blog.  Sharing ideas and experience can offer hope and motivation for others to help themselves. 

Jewish Community Services offers confidential, professional counseling and therapy to help people deal with stress, anxiety, loneliness, depression, loss, family crisis, and many other issues.  For more information, call 410-466-9200, or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org