Talk about awkward subjects!  Let’s say you’re in the Baby Boomer generation.  Are there conversations you’d like to have with your parents as they age, but just don’t know how to start?  How do you bring up important topics like finances, health and medications, independent living, driving, end-of-life wishes, and relationships?  Seniors, do you wish you could raise some of these matters with your adult children, and are there others you’d rather not discuss with them? 

If you’re finding it difficult to open a conversation about sensitive subjects, you’re not alone.  Most of us are uncomfortable and struggle with this, and there are so many barriers to communication.  We may fear losing our independence.  We want to protect our own privacy or to respect another’s privacy.  Sometimes there’s a reluctance or inability to acknowledge the changes that aging brings, and a tendency to remain in our parent-child roles instead of relating as adults. It sure would help if we had some clear guidelines for these difficult conversations. 

Each family has its own patterns and ways of relating, but one thing families do have in common is love.  Parents and their adult children care about each other.  As they age, their roles evolve, and often they are also trying to take care of each other.  Can you relate to any of these situations?
• A daughter is worrying because she notices that Mom has mixed up her pills, or gone out and left the stove on, or forgotten to pay her bills. 
• Dad has had a car accident.  His children are concerned for his and others’safety. 
• Mom has recently been diagnosed with a serious illness.  How is she going to tell the children?  She has not written down her end-of-life wishes, and her children change the subject when she tries to bring this up. 
• Dad has recently died.  Will Mom have enough income, and how she will manage living on her own?  She and Dad have never had a frank conversation with their adult children about their financial resources.
• Mom is starting to feel pressured by the family to move to an assisted living facility, but she really wants to remain in her own home.

Home Instead Senior Care and communication expert Jake Harwood, Ph.D., offer some very helpful, specific pointers for “Boomers” and their senior loved ones, to start these important family conversations.  They emphasize how important it is not to ignore concerns or problems, to listen and treat each other with respect, and to ask for help when needed.  They also recommend a list of vital documents we should all prepare or update now.  (See below to learn more.)

Instead of waiting for a crisis, now is the time to start a family discussion about important topics, to gather information, make appropriate changes and decisions, and plan for the future.  Honesty and mutually respectful communication are the keys to overcoming the barriers; the reward is peace of mind for everyone involved. 

By Gail Lipsitz, Coordinator, Public Relations, and Janet Kurland, Senior Care Specialist, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

For helpful tips about family conversation starters for adult children and their senior loved ones, and for a list of important documents, click here, and go to page 2 in the full article. 

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.