You’ve lost your job.  Are you going to tell your mother?  You’ve achieved success in your chosen career, rising to a position that gave you a comfortable income and a sense of worth.  Suddenly you don’t have enough money to pay your daughter’s next tuition bill.  You don’t even have enough to buy a winter coat for your son or go out to dinner with your spouse.  After investing years of education, work, and perhaps even leadership in your field, now, when you look in the mirror, you’re asking, “Who am I?” 

These days, we all know someone who’s been laid off.  Maybe you are that someone.  But what we may not fully grasp is how dramatically losing a job affects how we view ourselves, and how we think others see us.  To what extent is our identity tied to our career? 

If you’re an unemployed parent dropping your kids off at school, you may wonder how they perceive you, knowing you aren’t going on to work.  Children whose parents have been laid off may be worrying about what will happen to the family.  Others may resent that they can’t have something they want, such as the latest video game or a vacation trip. 

Louise Alima, Career Coach at Jewish Community Services, finds that often people who have lost their jobs can’t bring themselves to tell even their closest family members how strained their economic circumstances have become. When you’ve been able to provide for your family’s needs, it’s hard to be on the receiving end and accept help from a sibling or parent.

Our social relationships are also affected.  Many unemployed people don’t talk openly about the realities, out of self-protection.  They’ll tell their friends they are looking for a job so they can network, but they won’t tell them they are eating macaroni five days a week.  They’ll avoid going out to dinner because friends, who can afford the extras, might say, “Let’s split the bill.”

People who had high level positions and were making good salaries are now forced to look at other jobs in which they will earn much less, maybe even starting at entry level.  Although they want to work and are willing to accept “any” job, if they believe that how much they earn is tied to who they are, this “come down” will affect their self-esteem. The sense of purpose and prestige they enjoyed in their previous position is shaken. 

“A career coach can help you understand that a job does not define you as a person,” says Louise Alima.  “At JCS Career Services, we help people understand the realities of today’s economy, and we can connect them to resources in the community if they are struggling financially.  Most importantly, we help them recognize their strengths, experience and transferable skills that can be used in other arenas.  We encourage and empower each person to look for a job that will be a good fit.  Sometimes this means finding a new direction that is equally or even more satisfying than the previous job.  The goal is to redefine yourself not in terms of a job title, but in terms of the whole person you are and what you can offer.” 

Here’s a quote for inspiration from Susan Jeffers:
“The world is a place for opportunity, and I look forward to the opportunities for learning and growing that either pathway [I choose] gives me.” 
 
By Gail Lipsitz, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

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Jewish Community Services helps you solve life’s puzzles, offering you guidance and support when you are looking for solutions.  For more information, call 410-466-9200 or visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org.  JCS is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.