The first signs of the yellow budding of forsythia are a childhood association I have with the coming of Passover. At times all the work involved in getting ready for the holiday – the changing of dishes, the thorough cleaning, the shopping and cooking – seemed like slavery to me.  But when we finally sat down at the Seder table, with the fancy place settings and Passover symbols, looking around at all the relatives dressed up and ready to begin, I sensed a profound change in the air.

I still have that sense now as a grown-up.

While Passover is about the liberation of our Israelite ancestors from slavery and our Exodus from Egypt, today I take it to mean something to each of us on a personal level as well.  This holiday provides us with an opportunity to look at and think about what we are enslaved to.  What patterns, habits, character traits or life styles are holding us captive?  What gets in the way of our being the truly free people we were meant to be?

Some of us have challenges related to our life styles: too much food, too much coffee, not enough physical movement in our day, toxic relationships with people or substances, and other unproductive or addictive pursuits.  For others it’s about not giving enough time and attention to family or friends, or putting off nurturing the important relationships in our lives.

How do we free ourselves from habits and patterns of behavior that are hard to change? The first step is getting honest with ourselves about what is enslaving us.  Then we need to admit this in an honest way to another person, perhaps a trustworthy friend or professional.  Next, we need to commit ourselves to an effective and reasonable plan of action.  Seeking and securing the help we need to accomplish our goals for change, and holding ourselves accountable to another, will open up a true path to liberate ourselves from the lifestyles and choices to which we’ve been enslaved. 

It makes sense to me that Passover comes in spring, when new life is being born in nature all around us. This is the season when we can gather with family or friends - those with whom we feel safe - and we review the story of our communal, and maybe our individual, enslavements. By sharing the story, our story, with the help of G-d, we too can become truly free.

By Howard Reznick, LCSW-C, Senior Manager, Jewish Community Services Prevention Education

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.

Passover is meant to be a time of joy, but when someone you love has recently died, the thought of gathering around the Seder table can fill you with dread. 

Why does a loss seem so much harder during this holiday?  Holidays are meant to be special occasions that we share with the people we love.  Of all the Jewish holidays, Passover is the time when families are most likely to come together, and home is at the heart of our observance.  No wonder we become painfully aware that an important person in our lives isn’t there to share the joy this year.  We’re wondering whether the Passover traditions that we’ve been observing for years will feel different, and what will that do to our sense of identity and continuity? And how will our personal loss affect our shared experience of the Seder? 

What’s really on our mind as Passover draws near is: How am I going to get through this holiday?  Here, from bereavement experts at Jewish Community Services, are some suggestions for coping.

• Acknowledge the loss.  Everyone is aware that someone important is missing, so don’t avoid the obvious.  Talk about how you miss your loved one and invite others around the table to share memories, too.
• Find support from family and friends.  You do not have to “be strong” for others.
• Set an “empty place” at the table in honor of your loved one.  Some may instead find comfort in sitting in the chair that was their loved one’s spot.
• Light an extra candle in memory.
• Place a picture near where you are seated.
• Allow yourself to cry when the tears want to come. 
• Don’t be afraid to laugh.  You are not dishonoring your loved one by laughing; he or she would surely want to see you enjoying life. 
• In your private moments, it may be comforting to talk to the person who has died.
• Make a memorial for your loved one. 
• Use your spiritual and/or religious practices to find comfort. 
• Think ahead about what rituals and traditions may change in your Seder.  For example, who will say Kiddush if the person who always did is no longer there?  Who will conduct the Seder? Plan with your family and guests, and acknowledge the changes during the Seder.
• If it feels too overwhelming or painful to have your traditional Seder this year (whether you were a guest or the host in the past), you may find it helpful to make a change.  Consider accepting an invitation from friends, attending a community Seder, or scaling back on your own guest list. 
• If your emotions feel overwhelming, as may happen as the holiday approaches or afterwards, it can be helpful to talk with a therapist, bereavement counselor, rabbi, or other trusted professional, or to join a support group to help cope with your loss.

Passover is about remembering our past and telling our stories.  Our stories would not be complete without including the people we’ve loved and lost.  Just as we invite the spirit of Elijah to join us at our Seder, so we should also welcome the spirit of our loved ones to be present as well.

By Gail Lipsitz, Coordinator, Public Relations and Jacki Post Ashkin , LCSW-C, Senior Manager, Resource Development/Marketing, Jewish Community Services

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.

Does Rahm Emanuel deserve to lose his job because he used “The R word”?  Public outrage erupted, including a call from Sarah Palin for President Obama to fire Emanuel, after the Wall Street Journal reported that the White House Chief of Staff used the words “f——retarded.” He was referring to a plan by liberal special interest groups to run ads targeting conservative Democrats not supporting health care reform.  The remark was made in a closed-door meeting, but after it was publicized, Emanuel apologized to Special Olympics chairman and CEO Tim Shriver, who has spearheaded a campaign to end the use of “the R word.”

Regardless of the context of the insult, the words were heard and felt by people with disabilities, and by their families, friends and supporters.  This incident can serve as a wake-up call about just how powerful and hurtful language can be.  It seems as if the word “retarded” has been making a comeback as an acceptable term to call someone who might otherwise be labeled as an idiot, moron, or a buffoon.  For example, we often hear teenagers saying, “You’re a retard” or “That’s retarded.” 

Words do matter.  Insults like “the R word” reinforce stereotypes that people with intellectual disabilities try to forget, but are too often reminded about when these comments are made. Among the many examples of words or phrases that people with disabilities and their supporters would like to eliminate from mainstream society are: “higher functioning,” “lower functioning,”  “Sped-Ed classes,” and “wheelchair bound.”

On her website, http://www.disabilityisnatural.com, Kathie Snow works to educate and raise public awareness by calling for “People First Language.” She says, “When we define people by their [medical] diagnoses, we devalue and disrespect them as individuals… People can no more be defined by their medical diagnoses than others can be defined by gender, ethnicity, religion, or other traits!”  Still, many people don’t even think twice when they hear someone introduced as “blind, deaf and dumb.”  “People first language puts the person before the disability, and describes what a person has, not who a person is,” says Snow. 

In the latest edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), the diagnosis of “mental retardation” has been changed to “intellectual disability” to avoid the stigma of the word “retarded.” Implementing this change, Maryland House Bill 20 (“Intellectual Disability, Rosa’s Law”) was signed into law on April 14, 2009, by Governor O’Malley.  The law seeks to preserve the dignity of people with intellectual disabilities by ending the use of the term “mental retardation” by professionals in the areas of health and education.  Those who are diagnosed with this kind of “disability” are not dumb, or stupid; in fact, it can be argued that they are much more intelligent than the people who continue to hurl “the R word” as an insult.

Jewish Community Services supports people with disabilities in living, learning, working and participating fully in life in our community.  Many people whom we serve have families and jobs and live in their own homes.  The adults who live in our ALU residences are educated and contribute to the community.  They are employed in jobs at the Gallery at Harbor Place, Courtland Gardens, Embassy Suites Hotel, the University of MD Research Center, to name a few.  Some volunteer at Sinai Hospital, Northwest Hospital and here at JCS.  These individuals would like to be introduced by their names and recognized for their strengths, interests and needs, and not identified by their diagnosis. 

Perhaps some good will come of this latest high-profile insult to people with disabilities.  People First Language can change attitudes, hearts and minds by reminding us that each person is a unique individual, and that we should treat every one as a human being, not a label.

By Ann Skinner, Senior Manager, Special Needs, and Scott Siwicki, Team Manager, Residential Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles, visit http://www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.  Jewish Community Services is an agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore.