A few weeks ago, a guy – who identified himself as being Jewish—called to tell me about what he considered a prime case of religious and ethnic discrimination. It seems that a local Catholic high school was holding a prom for its seniors, and one of the students wanted to bring her platonic Jewish male friend. The school, however, forbade it, because the friend was not Catholic.

“Tell me, is that blatant discrimination or what?” the caller asked. Yes, I responded.

Then, the caller admitted that the whole scenario was a fabrication, a great big lie. Never happened.

He said the “real” story was of a friend’s son who attends a local Jewish high school and wanted to take a platonic non-Jewish female friend to the prom. The school basically said, “Um, sorry, ain’t gonna happen. It’s against our policy.”

“Well, is it still discrimination?” the caller challenged me. He then noticed a long pause on my end of the phone.

I tried to explain to him that I can understand that the Jewish school is in the business of promoting Jewish values and beliefs, which include keeping Judaism and the Jewish people going and thriving. “I understand where they’re coming from,” I said, “even though it certainly does have a discriminatory aspect to it. But from a Jewish communal perspective, it’s about survival.”

The caller, however, was having none of it. “If someone pulled this on the Jews, we’d be screaming bloody murder and calling the Anti-Defamation League and every media outlet in town,” he said. “This is point-blank bigotry.” He went on to say that the whole matter has turned him off to the Jewish community and Judaism in general, and he was even thinking of quitting his temple (which is not connected in any way, shape or form to the Jewish school.)

When I asked him if the family of the Jewish student would talk to me, possibly for an article, he said they would absolutely not. They didn’t want to make waves or criticize the school publicly. They were just fuming quietly.

But meanwhile, the caller was quite frustrated with my lack of outrage and disgust, and called me on it. He basically called me another communal stooge who hides behind Jewish assimilation and intermarriage fears to promote discrimination and prejudice.

“I understand what you’re saying,” I told him, “but this is an issue that goes straight to the heart of modern Jewish life. It’s complex. If a Jewish institution says, `Jews only,’ is it discrimination? Or is it a matter of survival, considering that the demographics show that the Jewish community is practically vanishing before our eyes? I know that sounds alarmist, but there are no easy answers here.”

The man, highly annoyed with me, ended the conversation by noting that of all people who should know better about exclusionary practices and the very high price of only accepting someone by their genetics and lineage (something beyond their control), it is Jews.

Fair enough. But one thing is for sure: this conversation will go on. For a long time.

I would suggest that if someone is willing to give up on his heritage based on a slight by a particular institution of the “tribe,” then his affiliation and sense of Jewish identity is so incredibly shallow that it isn’t the slight that is the reason he is leaving the fold. 

[ He went on to say that the whole matter has turned him off to the Jewish community and Judaism in general, and he was even thinking of quitting his temple..]

He’s looking for a reason to justify his already having disengaged from Judaism etc. 

It should be the Jewish family that keeps their child from attending the catholic prom.  It is a matter of survival…  we need more than prohibitions to survive but it does make a statement…